Sunday, August 17, 2008

The Shame of the Biological Clock

I've been thinking about the fact that there seem to be very few forums for women like me--single, professional women beyond the age of 35 who want to have children--even online. I have yet to find another blog about this subject (please correct me if I am wrong).

I've noticed, for instance, that it is perfectly acceptable to go on ad nauseum about dating and finding the perfect match. Apparently our culture condones this. However, very few women can bring themselves to acknowledge (at least publicly) that "the" relationship may not happen within the necessary time frame for a family.

I started looking into whether there was any press on this issue and it is all but ignored in the American press. In the UK, however, it's all over the place! Recently, there was legislation passed in the UK allowing single women to get insurance coverage for IVF (see this Times article). The London newspapers have also featured a number of articles about the phenomenon of single women who want to conceive by themselves.

Are we just behind the Brits? I can't believe this concern is any less prevalent among American singles (something confirmed just within my own group of friends). Is it too divisive a subject to broach in America? Were it to come up from the underground, would it become another cause célèbre for the Christian right (and there is reason to fear this, since single women are often conflated with lesbian couples in the press and legislation surrounding this issue)?

But more importantly, why aren't women TALKING about this on blogs, etc.? Perhaps acknowledging it is akin to giving up on finding "the" relationship (even though I do not agree with that).

My experience is that there is shame surrounding this issue. There is embarrassment about being "unsuccessful" at finding a partner (or not wanting to find a partner). There is shame about taking the biological clock seriously (not just joking about it).

1 comment:

sprouts said...

Many many single wanna be mothers blogging and blogging.
All over the place.