Saturday, November 28, 2009

Family, Donor, and Neighbors

The SI syndrome has subsided after several rounds of physical therapy. It's not gone...and I'm worried about aggravating it again. Thus the sitting on the couch. And eating. There is lots of eating being done. Thanks for your kind words. I feel lucky that it lasted for just a couple of weeks and hopefully won't return.

I decided to stay in town for Thanksgiving and spend the evening with a close friend and his family. It was very nice. I don't usually like to travel on Thanksgiving, since my family isn't really within driving distance and I like to avoid flying with all the crowds. But every year I do feel a bit lonely with my decision. Like today, for instance. It would be nice to be surrounded by my family rather than sitting and eating on the couch (or sitting and eating on the couch while surrounded by my family).

Speaking of which, my brother is actually applying to jobs near me! He's the one with the 2 boys. It's really too good to be true, so I don't want to get my hopes up. And the jobs he's applying for are very competitive. But having family---even within 3 hours as opposed to 8, or 14--would be so wonderful. One of the jobs is even in the same town as me, but I daren't hope for such things...

My donor visited me yesterday, for the first time since I got pregnant. It was nice to see him. My relationship to the situation has evolved somewhat. When I first got pregnant I thought a lot about how nice it would be if he was involved as much as he wanted to be. But as the months have passed, and as I have noticed he has pretty much zero interest, and as I have become extremely protective of this little life inside me and of MY family, I have become much more cautious about that. He is a wonderful person but not always the most inward-looking and very non committal (one of the reasons he is a good donor). So the last thing I want is for him to see the child at first and then, later on (just when the child starts to know who he is!) decided it's inconvenient or something. The whole thing is a work in progress/unchartered territory and the nice thing is that we can talk about it. It's very clear that I've thought about the situation much more extensively than he (not to mention that I live with it every day). After his visit, I still believe that I can be in control of the situation, which is what I want and what's best for Fitzwilliam.

Finally, I am miserably adjusting to some new neighbors above me. I live in a 3-unit house converted to condos. The condo above me has been empty for almost 2 years. It is horribly loud and I've actually started looking at real estate listings! I am really sensitive to noise..had I known that the house was a veritable echo chamber, I really wouldn't have bought this place. I just hope I get used to it. They have a dog, too...a pit bull mix. I'm not thrilled with any of it. I wish I could just chill and block it out but I really can't.

On that note, time to get off the couch and go a restaurant. Just what I need!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The dreaded SI syndrome

Ok, so it's not the worst thing that can happen during pregnancy. But it sure is darn painful, and it sure does affect pretty much everything. I have Sacroiliac joint pain. It's the joint that holds together the pelvis and the tailbone, and yes, it's the one that bears almost all of one's body weight. It started completely out of nowhere! And by last Saturday I was flat on my back and then wincing, crying with pain when I tried to do things such as: get things out of the fridge, put on shoes, get into/out of the car, descend stairs, oh yes, and walk. So just that kind of thing. Nothing important, really. Needless to say single Jo did not get around to taking out the garbage, the recycling, doing laundry, or cleaning the cat box for the last several days. Yea, my condo is looking GOOD.

2 rounds of physical therapy and I am feeling a bit better. I can't tell you how divine it felt to have someone forcefully push my pelvis back into place. Ahhhh. I'm worried about doing pretty much anything to aggravate this again (and I have 3-1/2 more months to go), even yoga. Not sure why I am susceptible to this. I am slim, healthy and athletic, but perhaps that's the issue--I may've put too much strain on my back in the past, and, I may be doing too much now. Not sure.

I do know that I NEED TO GET BETTER AT ASKING FOR HELP. Last weekend was ridiculous. I just sat there feeling sorry for myself. My neighbor surely would have offered a hand, at least with the garbage. But did I ask? No, of course not. Doesn't bode well when it comes to baby....let's just say it's something to work on.

In other news, I've narrowed down to 2 doulas, who I will "interview" and then hire one. I went to a doula "meet and greet" and was so impressed with the generally caring attitude of these women, who just seem to love the process of birth.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Another story

When I was on the NY subway last week, a young man got on the train and looked RIGHT at me, then at my belly, and mouthed the question, "Are you pregnant?" Firstly, I was wearing a coat, and a large scarf that covered my belly; secondly, I am "carrying small" and even people who know me haven't clued in to the bulging belly yet. So this was truly weird. It's like he had some sort of pregnancy sixth-sense--I mean, he was hardly even inside the closing doors when he noticed me, and I was half-way into the car! He immediately shamed the entire row of people sitting in front of me, chastising them for not giving up their seat to a pregnant lady (when in fairness to them, they really wouldn't have known). They looked so sheepish! So, that's my experience on the #6 train. I have a NY subway fairy.

Thinking of you

My heart is broken for one of my bloggy friends who just received some devastating news. I know she wants to lay low for awhile. I am thinking about her often and only wish I had some true solace to offer her.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Older Men and mystique of the Single Mom

Funny. Within the past week two older men have gotten REALLY into my pregnancy. By which I mean they are just so curious they can hardly contain themselves. And they haven't. Contained themselves.

So in my job I report to a Board, and these are 2 Board members and probably not insignificantly to the ego that is about to follow, they are both surgeons. What I find really interesting is they want to know all about the man who donated (which of course I don't reveal, and would rather not even talk about ... but the questions keep coming). Last night, this man actually said to me "Well, why didn't you ask me? If you want good genes that is." (READ: I am now projecting my ego onto you, and wondering why every younger woman doesn't ask me for my sperm). The major question both wanted answered was, "So, do you EVER want to get married?" (READ: Please, please don't tell me that men like me are completely unnecessary. Because we're not. We're really really necessary, right?) I do think it's funny that both just assumed that I chose mommyhood OVER marriage....the assumption being that had I wanted to be married I could've just snapped my fingers and found the perfect mate.

I will say both seemed utterly intrigued. They just wanted more and more information. I still haven't figured out quite how to deal with all the questions, probably because I don't expect that most people will actually have the nerve to ask them.

What I'm kind of enjoying, really, is the reactions that people who barely even know me have about my pregnancy. It doesn't offend me (well, maybe, sometimes a little). It's mostly just amusing. I think the worst thing one of them said was "WELL, I HOPE the baby is healthy because otherwise, you know, ...[didn't finish sentence]". That was just rude.