I am still actively searching for a loving relationship with a man who is right for me. But I am becoming less and less able to imagine that happening--at least within the time frame that works for me when it comes to having a family.
Even if I were to meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, it would be months, even years, before we were able to commit. So why should I wait for the perfect man to come along, when I know that I could be a loving, nurturing parent to a child right now? I will never give up looking for a relationship, but in this day and age, do I really have to wait for a traditional relationship while foregoing my dream of having children? The beauty of our modern age is that the answer is no!
I don't "hate men" or "think they are unnecessary" as several people (particularly those who do not know me) have suggested. My problem remains that I am much too romantic at heart to "settle." An article by Lori Gottlieb argues that I will be sorry if I don't settle for someone (anyone?) before I have a child on my own.
Lori wrote that she has regrets about having a child by herself. This deeply upset me, and also rang alarm bells. I hated her article (it was incredibly honest but also presumptuous--as if all our journeys are the same--as if every relationship was somehow in our [the female's] control and ours to lose).
But one thing she wrote did resonate with me: are there men in my past who I rejected, simply because I had "more time" and thought someone better (more passionate, more seductive) might come along? How would those men look today? I'm not saying that I am looking to settle--definitely not--but I can't help but wonder how my outlook may have changed. I decided that, in two cases, it might be worth revisiting and seeing what happens. Evan and Matthew...two old flames...both single.
The question is: what are my intentions? A relationship, or a baby?