Sunday, January 11, 2009

Where I've Been

Here's the dish.

The holidays were hard for me. Really, really hard. I was lonely, and frustrated. The knowledge that I was moving on with my own plans for a family didn't help matters. I thought it would, and I've read other bloggers who say as much. But it didn't. I was low. Very very low. I was fixated more than ever on wanting a partner. And to top it all off, I spent a few days with my nephews and I was questioning whether I could handle it alone. Or honestly, whether I really wanted to do it alone. This is all very common stuff but I have not recovered from it yet, and I'm not sure if or when I will.

I know putting things off is not a great idea, but I think I'm going to have to, for the moment. It just wouldn't feel right to ttc with so many doubts.

Does anyone know of an SMC group in the southern New England area? the environs of Boston perhaps?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

New Year's Meme

I know, another list. But I'm trying to get motivated to post, without luck, and this seemed kind of fun. Feel free to cut and paste (like I did) and do it yourself! (edit Jan 9: date fix: didn't even notice I copied 2007 instead of 2008...! Still in denial apparently:)

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

I went sea kayaking in the actual sea.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
 My usual resolution is the vague, "experience more joy." That's not something you can really control, but I'm trying it again this year. Fair to middlen last year. My most major resolution is to once and for all pay off my credit card debt.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
 My brother/sis in law, and one of my closest friends, Marci.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
5. What countries did you visit? None, I guess. (but Western TX did seem like another world).
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
 A relationship.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 4!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
 Running my department at work in the absence of my colleague and then getting a promotion.
9. What was your biggest failure?
 Saving money.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
 No, thank goodness!
11. What was the best thing you bought?
 I guess it was a new computer-- or a new bed--or two beautiful etchings (yeah, workin' on that credit card debt) :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
 my very supportive mother, and my PKD
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
 a friend who seems to think she's still in high school
14. Where did most of your money go?
 mortgage/credit card debt/school loans
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
 my trip to Marfa, TX
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
 "I Feel it All" (Feist)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
 probably about the same: not too happy, not too sad, I'm slightly thinner since going off hormones, I'm slightly more flush since my promotion
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
 traveled for pleasure
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
 sitting at my computer on weekends
20. How did you spend Christmas?
 with family in the Midwest
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
22. What was your favorite TV program? oh, those mad mad men
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
 I feel bad saying I hate her cause she's just so pathetic. (ffft ffft, rreeerrr!)
24. What was the best book you read?
 Sebastian Faulk's Birdsong
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
26. What did you want and get?
 a really pretty new winter coat
27. What did you want and not get?
 an ip.hone
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
 totally blanking; the only thing that comes to mind is WALL--E
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
 37; I got a facial and a pedicure at a nice spa. I went to work.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
 having a boyfriend to spend the holidays with would've been really really nice. Yeah, I'm still there.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
 spend more money on fewer things and make 'em special. Thus the cc debt.
32. What kept you sane?
 my kitty
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
 the Palin phenomenon. Wha??
35. Who did you miss?
 my friends in SF and NY
36. Who was the best new person you met?
 definitely my internet friends
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
 take a friend to the hospital with you when undergoing invasive test procedures
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "She gonna put, sugar on my tongue. She gonna, gimme gimme gimme some." (talking heads).

Thursday, January 1, 2009

7 Things

I got tagged by MeAndBaby. This is good: I've been very unmotivated lately to blog. There's a lot going on my head, and for some reason I can't seem to get it out. I'm kind of in a don't-deal-with-it phase, I guess. goes. 7 unusual things about me.

1. I lived in Antwerp, Belgium for a year. This was while I was doing research for my dissertation. Every day, I walked about 1/4 mile to a beautiful 16th century museum and did research in the archives there. I love Belgium although it was very difficult to make friends there (with Belgians): I made a lot of foreigner friends. The month before I left, I tried one chocolate truffle per day to choose the best one (I chose it, if anyone is interested!)

2. I didn't grow hair until I was 2-1/2! Seriously! Only peach fuzz til then. (I'm hoping this means my hair will stay around for a really long time). I also had a wandering eye that was fixed by surgery at age 2. I like to think I was a charmingly cute baby. :)

3. I was the valedictorian of my high school class. It was very dramatic because it was a surprise. I kind of edged out the girl who everyone had assumed would be valedictorian for 4 years. At the time, I liked to fancy myself the smart-girl-who-also-partied, so after that my cover was completely blown. I would go to graduation parties, the room would go silent, and someone would say "Ohhhhh, the valedictoooooooorian is here. Everyone behave."

4. I love to backpack and have taken several somewhat death-defying 'backcountry' trips. I know this isn't really that unusual, but I do get raised eyebrows when I tell people. I'm somewhat girly-looking and people get confused.

5. My favorite vegetable by far is brussel sprouts. I have them at least once, but sometimes multiple times per week. I have no idea whether this has anything to do with my stay in Belgium. Perhaps.

6. I'm ridiculously organized and I'm never late (even when I try to be). At the same time, no one has ever described me as Type A (my condo is usually a mess). I'm a weird hybrid.

7. I'm a sucker for really sentimental, moody types of music, like Col.dplay, Kate B.ush, Joni Mi.tchell, that kind of thing (but then again, I've been known to jam out to the truly un-sentimental PJ Ha.rvey).

And I'm going to tag our SMC blogging newbie, Rachael at SMCDownUnder. You're it!