Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Being Childless is My Fault, Right?

I read a blog post yesterday, and one that will remain anonymous, but it was another ALI blogger. I was really hurt by something she wrote. I wondered why I was taking it so personally when I read it. When I woke up this morning still thinking about it I thought: better get this off my chest.

She wrote that most people are under the misconception that going without children is a choice. She said that for her it isn't a choice. It's not as if, after all, she put off trying to conceive, got a Master's degree, went to Europe.

Guess what? I put off trying to conceive (or rather, my failed relationships put it off for me). I got a PhD. I went to Europe. The latter two things may very well have contributed to my failed relationships. But I still don't think this puts me in the category of "choosing" to go childless.

If there's one thing I've learned in the last 5 or so years, we can only plan our lives so much. We can want many things, but that doesn't mean we'll get them. Perhaps one of the points of being on this planet is trying to find happiness whether or not things go as planned.

This is a very supportive community and I know the last thing my fellow blogger would've ever wanted to do would be to shame another ALI blogger. I know that her post was about her own personal experience and had nothing whatsoever to do with me. Obviously, it just hit the "shame" button and also made me wonder if people who know nothing about me will think that my childless state is a choice that I should just live with.


Kristin said...

Don't you hate when someone inadvertently triggers one of your "buttons"? I'm sorry that post upset you. I wish you great success in your quest for a child.

calliope said...

Nice to see another future SMBC blogging about her journey! There are quite a few of us out here so if you ever need some virtual hand holding let us know.

I think we all have different paths and that there is no correct road that leads someone to choosing when or when not to try for a family. When I had a chaotic full time job I was SO not thinking about kids. But as soon as my life sort of shifted I felt ready. It is different for everyone.

Welcome to the blogosphere! I look forward to getting to know you.