Thursday, August 7, 2008

I'm not the only one

Last night, I had dinner with a girlfriend, also in her late 30s, never married, and still single. Like me, she is a successful professional who has had many boyfriends, including long-term monogamous relationships, but somehow finds herself single at the age of 38.

Karen and I have been friends for almost 2 years, but it was only about 2 months ago that we each sheepishly admitted to the other that we wanted more than anything to have a child, and, that we were getting very worried about when and how that might happen.

Why two women, confident and communicative in almost every other aspect of our lives, would be so hesitant to speak about this to one of our closest female friends is still a mystery to me. I believe that we were so caught up in our personal traumas (what is wrong with me? how did I get here?) not to mention what others might think, that we sacrificed the solace of community. Perhaps we wanted to focus on finding a relationship, without admitting that we had fears about that ever happening--and what the consequences might be.

Thankfully, we "found" each other on this subject and can now offer as much support as possible. We have even discussed going through the process of having a child at the same time.

Karen is much more invested in conceiving a child with a sperm donor than I, to the point that she is almost ready to start the process.

Neither of our insurance covers ANY of this process. In my state, even married couples must somehow prove (and how do you do that?) that they've been trying unsuccessfully for a year (a married year) to conceive before they are eligible for any health coverage whatsoever.

With single women, we aren't technically infertile, are we?...just lacking a living, breathing sperm donor in our bed.

Sometimes it seems as if this issue is INVISIBLE. I can't even find any other blogs on this topic. Ladies, are you out there?

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