Thursday, September 4, 2008

Making That Appointment

Talk about setting the mind to work. The confluence of a new romance, as well as more and more information from my fellow bloggers (thanks everyone), has really got me to thinking. I had a great talk with my mom the other night. She is so darn supportive. Love that woman.

One of the things that has been suggested is that I need to visit my doctor, pronto, and get a fertility test. I guess at the very least that will alleviate any questions I might have about being able to have a child. Who knows what the current state of the ole' system might be.

I guess I have reason to worry, and it's been a bit of a mental barrier for action. For those of you who may have missed it in my previous post, I have endometriosis. As horrible as it is, I do think it is a relatively mild case based on what I know of the experiences of other women. I can basically control the horrible pain with birth control pills. What that means is that I've been on the pill since I was about 19. I had laparoscopic surgery when I was 32. It shouldn't come as a suprise that before then, I hadn't been diagnosed with endometriosis, even though I had been fainting with pain and having "fits" since age 16. One doctor put me on anti-depressants. Another told me I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome--one of the great catch-alls for female "issues." When they finally diagnosed me accurately, I was in surgery within 2 weeks.

Anyway, during the surgery, they removed endometria mostly from the exterior of the uterus and the intestines. No mention of the fallopian tubes being involved. So I guess I am still hopeful? Aren't we all? Should I be?

Yet all the more reason to get tested. I suppose I have feared taking the first step, just asking my darn OB/GYN for the test. I did bring up the fact that I was a thinking SMC within the last year. She is a great doctor and very cool, but I could tell that even she was a bit taken aback. Perhaps she's never worked with an SMC before. Perhaps I'm reading into it. Anyway, last time I had my regular appointment, I guess I was just having a bad day. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her or to ask for any of the information I really wanted (the tears were already swelling up, so I just couldn't go there). I left that appointment feeling depressed and it lasted for awhile.

I need to do this. I'm scared, because going off the pill involves really bad pain. It will definitely affect my sex life (4th date with James on Saturday btw).

But time, it is a-wastin'. Check in soon. I will have made that appointment. I will.


Meg said...

You can do it! It was tough for me to tell my doctor about my SMC plans too.

If it's easier you don't even have to tell your doctor about the SMC part just that you are about to start trying to get pregnant and because of your endo you want to make sure you won't have any issues.

Jess said...

Ugh, sorry about the endo issues. Did the surgery help it at all? I wish you the best as you start on this journey. Let us know if you need anything.