9 months

Hi everyone---yep, I'm not blogging much anymore. But check out my other blog for some recent pics of O.

mmmmmmm---baaa!

Hello there! Long time no post! It's been a crazy fall so far...I started back to work full time in mid August, and O started at his new daycare center. We both promptly got sick within two weeks and it lasted FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. It was pretty hellish. Who knows what it was, but I guess we passed it back and forth at least once between us, maybe twice. We have both now had TWO rounds of antibiotics, O for an ear infection, and me for a nasty throat infection (undiagnosable). Haven't been that sick since I was a teenager. Thankfully O didn't get as sick as I did, but he was pretty uncomfortable. Yep. It's hard taking care of an infant when you have a fever and a really, I mean really bad sore throat. Somehow I survived (and somehow only took 1/2 day off work through all this---I know, not good for me to go to work but I just couldn't take time off after JUST returning!)...and the good news is, it's been one week now since we are both feeling better. Lemme tell ya, it went on long enough I almost thought it would never end. Knock on wood! People keep telling me that this is what the first year of daycare is like. Year? Year?

Through it all, O has been the best little trooper. He is totally thriving, loving daycare, doing all the things 7 month-olds are supposed to do. He's almost 20 lbs, sitting up, rolling around. Not crawling, and no teeth. I'm sure it will happen soon enough. He cracks me up all the time. He is currently trying out the "b" and "d" sounds...a wonderful, babbly "mmmmba" and "mmmmda". I wish I could listen to that sound, which is just so beautiful and pure, every time I feel even the slightest bit sad, angry, or tired. It makes me happy on a level I didn't even know was possible.

Happy Fall everyone!

The Reveal

So the big news, I guess, is that I told my family the identity of my known donor.

All of my fears, whatever they were, and however unfounded, were completely for naught! First of all, my second brother, the one who knows the donor from college, had completely guessed about a year ago. Apparently he put two and two together (my known donor has a blog--it's a picture blog, very different from this type of blog, but nevertheless apparently he posted a picture of my cat...in my condo...about around the time of conception.). Ha. My parents had also narrowed it down to one of two guys. They were pretty sure it was who it was...I guess I don't have THAT many close male friends who I talk about with family (known donor is one of them). The most surprised was my oldest brother and his wife. Probably because they just hadn't thought about it very much.

So now that the word is out it seems a much much better route than the secrecy! Everyone was extremely happy to know and it was all kind of matter of fact...no one even had any probing questions for me. Knowing my beautiful baby boy is enough, I guess. And I agree.

And it's also helping me to conceptualize the future with O and his donor daddy. I hope to reveal DD's identity fairly early on, and for him and his bio relationship to O to be known to O. This is really what I wanted all along, and why I went with a known donor in the first place. So I am hoping that will work out. For now, to the questions from other kids I will reply with the simple answer of "O's dad doesn't live with us," or something like that, and leave it at that (THANKS everyone for the comments on that---it was so helpful). Interestingly, O's 4 year old nephew didn't seem the least bit interested in whether O had a dad. I think because he's always just known me as Aunt Jo (alone Aunt Jo), it doesn't occur to him that there would be someone else involved. Ah, yes. One of the benefits of having been single since before he was born. :)

The rest of my vacation in western NY state was wonderful. O was surrounded by absolutely adoring family every day. I wish I could provide that for him all the time. I mean, I'm adoring, of course. But there's only one of me.

For pics and cuteness, see my other blog!

Cheating

I've been cheating on this blog a bit with another blog. I started a blog to update my family on the daily mundane developments of O. I didn't want my family to have access to THIS blog, because it's kinda personal. And I talk about them a lot. But in the meantime I've been spending more time posting to that blog. It's really mostly a picture blog and a daily diary.

But here I am. Things are awesome! Owen is 12 weeks old today! He is such a chub, and such a delight. We have daily conversations in his native baby tongue about all kinds of subjects. I still have another month and a half until I go back to work, but it feels like it's winding down. I just want to hang on to every day and moment with my BABY. I still can't believe sometimes that I HAVE A BABY.

The interesting news is that the donor daddy paid a visit and it went really well. He is a very sweet man and I hope he will be a gentle presence in O's life. In what capacity, exactly, still remains to be seen. We talk a lot about that, and I talk with friends and my therapist about it, but it just doesn't seem to be the kind of thing you can DECIDE in a black and white way..more of a journey. My main concern is and will always be O's well being. I don't want donor daddy to be in his life one minute and then disappear the next. My main focus is that if he DOES want to see O (which he says he does), he'll have to prove some level of commitment to that over a period of several years before I even begin to think about revealing to O that he is biologically related. Does that make sense? Maybe I should never reveal it! I don't know. But the reason I went for the known donor equation was so the my child would be able to know his bio dad some day, in some way. The question I suppose is whether I reveal it or I wait for O to want to know himself.

I am realizing that I need to have a "narrative" pretty darn quick, that is, a sentence or two that addresses the daddy question that I am comfortable with. It's not so much that O will be asking soon, but that other children in his life--for instance, his 4 year old cousin--may begin asking. Anything we tell them now will undoubtedly get back to O when he is older. The missing link is just how to describe the known donor's relationship to O (like, whether he isn't like other dads but he cares about your Mommy and you very much), etc.

Finally, I've been pondering revealing his identity to my family. My family knows him, by the way. So I think the reason I feel the yearning to share his identity is so that my family can know O even more fully by knowing more about his other "half." It's one of those things about sharing O's life with other people I love, wanting them to know him in the same way that I do. At the same time, no one in my family has expressed a need to know who the donor is, so I worry about changing the dynamic. Things are going so well!!

Ok, well, difficult topic, difficult questions.

Big Boy

O is growing so fast. He was 7 lbs, 19 inches at birth and at his 8 week appointment he was 12 lbs 10 oz and 24 inches! Oh, my! I am already having trouble carrying him in the car seat. Here's some evidence...at 7 weeks.

We are doing really well. I've had some challenges with O's eating sensitivities and as of last Thursday I am off caffeine. This is monumental for me (I even had a cup of coffee every morning throughout the pregnancy). Beware the uncaffeinated new mom. I am such an addict. .. Anyway, his tummy troubles are obviously not serious, just unpleasant at times (profuse spit-up) but, given the weight gain he's really doing well and thriving in every other way, as well. He is a wonderfully calm little boy. I am so so lucky. On many fronts.

Emotionally, I am also good. I think the hardest thing for me has been something I didn't really think about that much. It's my desire to share this amazing little baby with other people. I think the lack of the partner for me is really a lack of a person to share the beautiful day-to-day developments with. It's so special, so miraculous. I talk to my mom every day, but it's different to experience it, vs. describe it. I've been a bit sad about that...not so much the lack of one particular man, but more generally the isolation of the experience. It's definitely an experience worth sharing.

I have found myself craving my family. My brothers have still not met O, and I am getting really sad (ok, annoyed) about that. One of them will met O in a couple of weeks when I go to Chicago (yay). I have extended several invitations to my oldest brother, and he is trying to figure out when to come (it's taking him long enough). I suppose to other people 2 months isn't a long period, but in my life, and O's life, it's an eternity.

I guess there is a secret fear I harbor that O will somehow notice the lack of family even at this young age. I guess I am projecting...I can give him so much love and I know I'm all he needs right now. It's me who needs the family. I just hope I can provide him with enough love so that he doesn't feel the lack that I do.

I've seen many friends and even been out and about in the evenings and I enjoy it so much, partially because I can see O through other people's eyes as well as my own, and experience my own joy over and over again as others meet him. It's wonderful. I spend most of these encounters beaming. So things are really great. Just missing family close by. I guess I knew that would be hard. And it is. But O keeps me full of happiness every day.

6 week smiles!

Here we are at 6 weeks! Unbelievable!!

The 5th week was really hard. O had some gas issues and cried for a few days inconsolably. They seem to have passed (literally/figuratively ha ha)...or at least he has gotten better at managing them, by which I mean he still has the gas but now knows how to, er, get rid of it. Apparently around this age is when they learn that kind of thing, as in putting together the sensation with what to do with it. Yes, I'm breastfeeding so the question is what is making him gassy? Well it could be near anything. I have a very healthy diet but certainly there is dairy and wheat...all that. Can't imagine having to change everything right now. One thing I've already learned in this 6 weeks is to not jump to conclusions---kind of wait things out, since he is changing every single day and next week, or tomorrow, a problem might resolve itself or a new one might emerge. As I get to know his cries and his reactions it's easier to make the call (at first I wanted to call the pediatrician literally every day!). I'm getting more calm. Although I admit that those inconsolable days were very very hard. I need to have a mantra during those times to get me through. When we come out on the other end feeling happy and adorable (him, not me), it's all worth it and completely amazing. Sometimes I still can't believe I have a wonderful cuddly snuggly baby. I keep saying to people "isn't he the cutest?" which must be a little bit annoying. But I can't help it.

I'm trying to stay active and I'm proud to state the following milestones: breastfeeding in public (check), grocery shopping (check), attending a social event (check), keeping several appointments on time (check), finalizing the day care options (check-ish), beginning to look into babysitters (semi-check). I'm attending a new moms group (fun/helpful), and "mom and baby yoga" and taking an infant massage class (I think the massage has helped his gas). I am so glad to have almost 3 more months at home with this little guy. There is so much bonding yet to be done. Yay.

In mid-May I'm going to Chicago...yes, with the baby. I'm totally nervous about traveling (just think of all the STUFF), but my darling mother has offered to meet me there for child care (it's a work thing--the only obligation I have during my maternity leave). I'm so grateful to her. We'll see how it goes! Any tips for traveling with infants most welcome!

I'm so excited to be following everyone's stories when I can, but not the best commenter these days. xoxo

Boring Adoring Mommy Post

My mom left today, after almost 4 weeks! She was so incredibly helpful and made every single meal, did all the laundry, even stayed up with the baby some nights. And yet I already feel like I have more time now that she is gone! I guess more "me" time, if that even exists anymore.

My baby boy is doing fabulously well. He is getting round and pudgy, and already about to burst out of his newborn size clothes. At our next appointment on Tuesday I am already predicting that he has gained at least a lb, if not more. It's exciting and astonishing to see him grow and change every day. I wish you could somehow bottle the feeling of gazing into your newborn's eyes as he gazes back. Thank goodness for video...but still, that feeling could never be captured on film!

I'm afraid to jinx it by writing it down, but I think I have an "easy" baby on my hands! But I have to give some credit to the 'baby whisperer' book, which had me getting him on a routine immediately. I've gotten so, in 3-1/2 weeks, I can already read almost all of his cries (at least those that he's had so early in life!). He barely wails at all--has gotten over the diaper change wailing--and even enjoys his bath. He gives me a few pointed waa waa waas when he's hungry, but seems to be able to easily soothe himself. I must say, the pacifier is my best friend though. He really needs to suckle, a lot, even when he's not hungry. It's like a drug, the change that comes over his face when I plug him in, as I call it. Ahhh...sweet relief...thanks mommy! Now I'm just hanging on until he sleeps more than 3 hours at a stretch.

I am enjoying every minute. My tears thus far have been of joy. Except yesterday, a bit of anger. My dad was here to pick up my mom and take her home. All of a sudden there were two babies in the house. But oh well. I could deal with it for one short day I guess. And my parents have been more than generous overall, mostly my mom, but my dad, too.

Mom left the fridge stocked with at least a month's worth of food. So now all I have to do is spend every precious moment with my little boy! Next week I start a 'new moms group'. I was in a 'pregnancy group' held at the same place and the ladies were all younger than me, all partnered (surprise), but still very interested and supportive of my story. Let's hope the same holds true for this group.

Ok, a rather boring update, but there's not much going on here but oogling and googling and lots and lots of diaper changes! (I even take pleasure in the diaper changes! And don't even get me started with the outfits...I can't fit into a thing, but he looks adorable every day).

Birth Story

Owen is 8 days old! Where does the time go? He's already huge! :) These pics are actually in descending order (ie the first one was taken today; the last one was taken on his birthday). He's changed already. It's amazing!

We're doing great. Owen is an incredibly calm baby. His nickname so far is Squeaky---his preferred mode of communication. He squeaks a bit when he's hungry...that's about it. He wails like crazy when he gets his diaper changed though! We are bonding like crazy. I weep daily--out of joy--just by looking at him.

I want to share my birth story. I feel SO LUCKY to have had an uneventful, amazing birth...Something I hoped for, and planned for, but also something I approached realistically, knowing that labor and delivery is about the last thing a person can expect to control.

Last Tuesday night (after posting a blog entry pre-labor!) I got into bed at exactly 10:00. The moment I got into bed I felt the first contraction. Wasn't sure what it was, of course. My mom was set to arrive the following day, so I called my friend Maya to ask if she would mind spending the night. I was kind of feeling like, oh, this might be the beginning...there's a long way to go. I then called my doula, who said we should keep in touch and speak in an hour to see if it's progressing, or not. Well...within an hour, my contractions were 2-1/2 minutes apart, and I could barely speak through them. Basically what appears to have happened is that I skipped early labor altogether. I was definitely in active labor by 11:00 or 11:30.

My doula came over, watched me go through 2 contractions, and told me to call the OB. The OB told me to get to the hospital! So at about 12:30 we arrived at triage. By this point I was having extremely strong contractions almost continually---maybe one minute apart, maybe less. They checked me out and....drumroll...I was NINE CM dilated. At that point, the triage nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. The doctor chimed in "gosh, it may not even be worth it at this point...you're kind of almost there already." I was somewhat delirious but I knew that I didn't want the epidural if I was so far along.

So up to L & D I went with Maya and my doula by my side. What an amazing team. My doula talked me through every contraction. She made me see with each pain how my body was working to birth my baby--pain with purpose. Of course you know this intellectually but believe me there ain't a lot of intellect going on at that point. I needed that help to focus because oh, boy, did it HURT!

Up in L & D I went through the final stage of labor---ohmyohmy that is the truly traumatic part because it feels like your body is going to break, as the pressure on your lower parts gets so intense. I say traumatic but I don't mean insurmountable. I mean, obviously it's no cake walk for your body but at the same time, your body CAN DO IT. It's really pretty freakin incredible.

One crazy thing that happened is that the aminotic sac bulged outward, meaning (sorry TMI here!) bulged outside of my body without breaking. Most likely my bulging amniotic sac is what allowed the dilation to progress so quickly. But seriously the OB and nurses were like "Woa--you don't see that every day!" The OB broke the sac and there was a bit of meconium, which just meant that the baby would have to be suctioned, etc, immediately. No need to panic.

So by 2:45 I was fully dilated and ready to push! I started pushing, which I must say I didn't ever think I 'd be able to do, I mean, it seemed truly impossible. And yet I was doing it. Definitely the hardest part for me, and not a "relief" as I hear some women describe it. Let me tell you, there were primal screams that got me through that.

Incredibly, by 3:20, Owen was here! He came out WAILING; I cut the cord (this part is a blur), and he was taken away for about 3 minutes to be cleaned up, but was on my chest very shortly thereafter. The moment it was over, I felt AMAZING. I was so glad that I did it without meds, so extremely surprised, too, and on such an adrenaline high for hours and hours and hours. I couldn't believe it was over---that it came and went so quickly--!

Since then I have experienced the most intense euphoria, even through the haze of exhaustion.

DOUBLE BIRTHDAY!!

Everyone, my son, Owen Christopher Harley [last name] arrived at 3:20 am on March 3 (yes, on my birthday) forever after known as OUR birthday. He is 7 lbs exactly and 19 inches and beautiful and perfect in every way! I can't wait to share more with you when I'm home from the hospital. The birth was fast. I went into labor and had Owen 5 hours and 2o minutes later. Full birth story to follow!

I don't know if I've ever said this before and really meant it...but now I do: Hallelujah!

LAST day of work (yippee!!) and Still Pregnant

I know, I still have 9 days until my due date, so this shouldn't be a surprise! But I've always had a feeling that he would come early. Long ago I predicted March 4. Recently I've been thinking more like March 9.

Whatever it is, I'll let ya'll know!!

I can't tell you how lovely it feels not to have to go to work tomorrow. 4-1/2 months without going into the office are ahead of me. WOO HOO!!

And a whole new world awaits (slightly more intimidated and anxious-sounding but excited "wooo hooo!")

Mom arrives tomorrow (with Dad temporarily--I'm blocking that part out). Also the ole' 39th birthday. Turning 39 feels darn OK under the current circumstances.

Things seem to be happening "down there." The baby is low. Very low. Like every-1/2-hour-to-the-bathroom-to-pee low. He's punching me in places I never knew could actually be punched. "Other things" on the list of classic pre-labor indicators have also started to happen down there but I'll spare you the details.

I truly look like a stick with a basketball strapped to her stomach. I mean I'm not ridiculously skinny but I have a tall frame and haven't gained much weight except right at the belly. It's a somewhat strange experience to view my reflection in the mirror. I'll have my mom take a picture tomorrow and try to post it.

Updates imminent...

The Threes

Next Wednesday is my 39th birthday. That's March 3 (3/3). The day after that I'll be entering my 39th week of pregnancy. Something tells me that all these threes are somehow auspicious. Not a believer in Chinese astrology, particularly, but I'm wondering what a Chinese astrologer would say about the chances of my little boy arriving on 3/3 (perhaps at 3:33?)

So....2 cm (no, not 3) dilated at this point. My OB said that was "pretty good for a first timer" at just shy of 38 weeks. I love it. As if I can really take any credit for the progress of my cervix. But go, cervix, go!

Still going to work. I'm soldiering forward. My wonderful doctor said she could take me out any time I wish and get me on disability. But I'm still just not willing to cash in on my 13 week leave quite yet. I'm having a good week fatigue-wise (tired, but not overwhelmed) and I'm not weeping anymore. So for now the plan is to work until Friday the 5th (barring potential arrival on 3/3) and that's it.

The nursery is totally done. Clothes are laundered. Diapers are in the house. Haven't installed the car seat yet but was kind of waiting for my mom to arrive (on 3/3). My place is clean. Not immaculate, but clean.

And so, I wait. This is a really intense time! The anticipation is crazy. Beyond all-encompassing. Amazing. Exciting. Terrifying. I am so thankful in so may ways right now.

Updates to come.

Re-assessing the plan

Well, just past 36 weeks! Wow. Still can't believe it.

I had such a hard week at work. My energy levels are wildly fluctuating, and there are times when I have such intense bodily fatigue I can hardly communicate with my colleagues. At other times I'm fine...but at this point my life consists of going to work and then coming home and crashing.

I had this really ambitious plan of working straight up to my due date (March 12), thus saving all of my leave/vacation/sick time until post-baby. As of this weekend that plan is being seriously reconsidered. I was so beat after my week and I didn't realize how much tension I was holding in my body.

Friday night I started having some anxiety (hadn't felt that since the first trimester). Then Saturday morning I went to my pre-natal yoga class. I told the teacher I was feeling uncommonly fatigued. She announced to the class that we would be having a very gentle class that day. That small act of compassion and caring, combined with the yoga itself when I started to just relax and breathe...well, it let the floodgates open. I started weeping during the class. I didn't stop for the entire class, with tears literally pouring down my cheeks. My classmates and teacher were so compassionate. It was incredible.

Clearly my body and emotions are telling me that I cannot keep going like I am going. I need to give myself permission to step back and to rest my body and care for myself. When I say give myself permission, it's because everyone around me fully expects that I'll be leaving work any day now. I'm the one being hard on myself. My biggest concern at this point is that I know I don't want to feel this exhausted when I go into labor. So I'll probably leave work the week before the due date (if not 2 weeks before). I've asked my mom to come sooner than we were planning, so that she can help me before the birth as well as after. Asking for help, and being gentle with myself. These are life lessons I really need to take to heart before my little boy arrives.

Today I feel much better (thank heaven for a 3 day weekend, too). I had a great meeting with my doula and lunch with a friend, and yes, I'm relaxing. I'm going to see how work goes this week. My OB indicated last Friday that we might be able to get me out on disability sooner than my due date, which would be GREAT. If that doesn't work, I'll just cash in my sick leave. Not what I had planned, but perhaps what I need.

Btw, at my OB appointment Friday, I was told I'm thinning, and "a bit" dilated~! And my little Fitzy is cooperating by being head down. What a good boy!

If only my cat could give me a foot massage

35 weeks. Boy, do my feet hurt. Especially because I can no longer wear my special shoes!

So, I took a tumble a couple days ago. There I was, walking down the street in my new clogs, which take the pressure off my heels and make my feet feel good. Little did I know that it's hard to get used to them at first...apparently a lot of people trip and fall because they aren't used to taking the weight off their heels. (So yea, I wish the sales lady would've told me that before I shelled out $88!) But anyway...about the fall. I took a misstep and went FLYING. Through the air. And forward. I can't tell you the anguish that went through my mind in that split instant! Awful, just awful. So somehow, instinctually, I managed to hurl myself sideways (thanks yoga?), so that I landed on my hand, the left side of my left knee (yep, tore the trousers), and my left shoulder. Completely missed the belly. Of course, I wasn't sure of that in that instant. It was so dramatic that a car stopped, along with the man walking behind me and several other people. I was, of course, bawling my eyes out (instant reaction for me to just about everything these days). I was so extremely shaken up---mostly from the trauma of thinking I had hurt my baby, not so much the actual pain---that I literally could not work for the rest of the day. Not a pleasant experience.

Anyway, all is well. I completely flattened my glasses case (my glasses weren't inside, thankfully!) and have major bruises and did something weird to my hand, but Fitz is fine, absolutely fine (yes--I called the doc immediately and monitored myself like a hawk!)

But that's the drama. The nice stuff is that my friend M threw me the NICEST baby shower last Sunday! It was a tea and cookies and finger sandwiches affair. It was so nice to be surrounded by supportive women who care about me and my as-yet-arrived little boy! Really, really touching. Yep, got lots of beautiful things. Mostly outfits that I would never splurge on myself. In the meantime, I've received literally bag-loads (many) of hand-me-down clothes. I really do not need to purchase a single item of clothing.

It felt so good. You know, never had the wedding, never had the bridal shower, never had big events that celebrated milestones in my life. (Strangely even my graduations were not big affairs--I attended my PhD graduation without my family--one of the problems with living so scattered from my family). So I must say I thought to myself---enjoy this! It's about damn time.

Now if only I can get someone to give me a nightly foot massage...since the clogs have now been returned to the closet indefinitely...kitty? oh kitty?? Sigh. He prefers it the other way around, and usually gets what he wants.

33 weeks!

Thanks for the advice on my last post, ya'll. It's not entirely resolved, but I have made my needs known to my mother repeatedly and I am hoping that everything will work out. My dad might drive her 3/4 of the way up, to my brother's in Baltimore, and then fly home to Georgia from there rather than driving her the entire way. It's all a bit sensitive, particularly because of my dad's challenging personality and my mom's role in the family as supreme peacemaker. Ah, family dynamics.

7 weeks to go! Or not! Maybe just 6 weeks! Or 5! (I'm not going to go earlier than that...:) I am feeling fantastic, except for my feet. The ligaments underneath the heels of my feet are so sore. I can't stand for long periods. Luckily, I have an excuse to always be sitting, even at work when everyone is standing. Yes, it's a weird malady, but I seem to get the weird ones. On the list of pregnancy would-be woes, it isn't so bad.

Feeling very well. Here and there I have been a bit, well, vile and angry. It comes out particularly in my car...with the completely inane and insane drivers in my tiny little New England state. But those moments seems to pass and then I'm kind of amazed at how even I am feeling. I don't know why I'm so surprised. ? In some ways, I've felt better being pregnant than I have felt in long, long time, both emotionally and yes, even physically (the banishment of endometriosis is like a dream--a temporary one--but a nice one). Part of me wonders if I should be more worried! Anxious!? Freaking out? I've even passed the holy-shite-I-have-to-push-a-baby-outta-my-va.gina stage.

Mostly, I just want to meet my little buddy, my new best friend. DYING to see what he looks like!! I've been doing a casual mental survey of people-with-kids and it seems like more often the first child looks like the daddy. I know, that's very unscientific. I'm of course quite curious if Fitzwilliam will look like known donor, or like me. I admit, I want him to look like me, of course! But on the other hand, known donor and I, well, we kind of look like siblings. When we are together people think we're related (I promise you, we're not). Weird, huh?

Prep: I've been cleaning things out like mad. Cleaned out my desk last weekend. Years worth of bank statements---shredded. That felt good. This weekend, I cleaned out my RIDICULOUS vanity, which consists of literally years worth of un-used makeup, most of it obtained via various freebie "gifts" when I purchased something else. Apparently I went through a nude lipstick stage. That's just wrong. Also cleaned out the two medicine cabinets in my house. Cleaned all the blinds (there are many). Does this constitute nesting perhaps?

What's left to do? Get stuff (baby shower next week--so looking forward, not just to "the stuff" but to being surrounded by wonderful, supportive friends). Read some more. Do more squats. Practice the kegels.

I've read about 5 books at this point. Favorite by far: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. She offers such sane advice. Loved it (and recommend it---even with the slightly annoying Britishisms thrown in for flavor).

Oh, and I have a NAME. It literally came to me in the middle of the night after much much turmoil!

No Dad No How

So, my mom is coming for my labor and birth (if such things can really be planned) and she's been trying to figure out, logistically, what makes sense. She lives far away. The plan she's come up with does NOT sit well with me, but I'm not sure how to handle it. Basically, she and my dad are going to get in the car and start driving up the eastern seaboard, stopping to see some sights and to see my brother, about a week-ish before my due date. They'll be within striking distance if I go into labor and can scoot on over.

What I DIDN'T sign up for is having my father here---in my home---while I'm in labor. No, no no. This is not part of the plan. My dad and I are not close; in fact, his presence stresses me out in big ways. He's kind of a baby (a big, adult baby)--needs lots of taking care of. Exactly the opposite of what I want when I'm about to give birth to a real, bonafide baby.

Therefore, if they arrive and I'm in the middle of laboring at home, this is NOT good. I've expressed this in the nicest way possible to my mom, but she insists that he will leave a.s.a.p (he is going to fly back to their home and leave mom here) but obviously "will have to stay at my place for at least one night." Um, what about a hotel? My place is somewhat small...not a lot of privacy. If I go into labor while my dad's in the house I have a horrible picture in my mind of me, resting between contractions, and my dad yelling from the other room, "Hey Jo! I can't get this remote to work!" and etc. Ok, that's going a bit far. I'm sure he'd be respectful-ish. But the whole idea is obviously stressing me out, which is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of how a lady should feel WHEN SHE IS ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH.

The timing is obviously out of my control, but I would really like, at the very least, for them to make the gesture of booking a hotel room for his arrival. If I'm not in labor, fine. Come on over. But if I am in labor, dad goes to hotel. It's a bit awkward and delicate, but jeesh, he must understand, right? You would think.

Be honest: am I being selfish? Am I crazy to not want my father hanging out in my living room while I'm in labor? If I'm not crazy, can someone please tell my mother and father that?