Sunday, February 14, 2010

Re-assessing the plan

Well, just past 36 weeks! Wow. Still can't believe it.

I had such a hard week at work. My energy levels are wildly fluctuating, and there are times when I have such intense bodily fatigue I can hardly communicate with my colleagues. At other times I'm fine...but at this point my life consists of going to work and then coming home and crashing.

I had this really ambitious plan of working straight up to my due date (March 12), thus saving all of my leave/vacation/sick time until post-baby. As of this weekend that plan is being seriously reconsidered. I was so beat after my week and I didn't realize how much tension I was holding in my body.

Friday night I started having some anxiety (hadn't felt that since the first trimester). Then Saturday morning I went to my pre-natal yoga class. I told the teacher I was feeling uncommonly fatigued. She announced to the class that we would be having a very gentle class that day. That small act of compassion and caring, combined with the yoga itself when I started to just relax and breathe...well, it let the floodgates open. I started weeping during the class. I didn't stop for the entire class, with tears literally pouring down my cheeks. My classmates and teacher were so compassionate. It was incredible.

Clearly my body and emotions are telling me that I cannot keep going like I am going. I need to give myself permission to step back and to rest my body and care for myself. When I say give myself permission, it's because everyone around me fully expects that I'll be leaving work any day now. I'm the one being hard on myself. My biggest concern at this point is that I know I don't want to feel this exhausted when I go into labor. So I'll probably leave work the week before the due date (if not 2 weeks before). I've asked my mom to come sooner than we were planning, so that she can help me before the birth as well as after. Asking for help, and being gentle with myself. These are life lessons I really need to take to heart before my little boy arrives.

Today I feel much better (thank heaven for a 3 day weekend, too). I had a great meeting with my doula and lunch with a friend, and yes, I'm relaxing. I'm going to see how work goes this week. My OB indicated last Friday that we might be able to get me out on disability sooner than my due date, which would be GREAT. If that doesn't work, I'll just cash in my sick leave. Not what I had planned, but perhaps what I need.

Btw, at my OB appointment Friday, I was told I'm thinning, and "a bit" dilated~! And my little Fitzy is cooperating by being head down. What a good boy!


Anonymous said...

You sound like a woman who is about to go into labor: the anxiety, the weepiness, not to mention being dilated 'a little.' I wouldn't be at all suprised if you're holding that boy before your due date!

Demeter said...

I can relate to all you are telling. It is good you are giving yourself permission to relax, be good to yourself, and take it easy. These days are the final stretch and the baby might be here sooner than you think!
Soon you will have the most amazing time of your life so prepare. And my advise is to sleep as much as you can now; when your baby boy is here, no more sleep!

Genkicat said...

Be kind to yourself and take the time you need. I took two weeks off before baby was due and it was truly a godsend. If you can swing it - Do it. And it does sound like little Fits will make an earlier appearance. And when he does, the tiredness wont matter. (Coming from someone who just told her mom that she didn't need a nap, only to fall asleep for 3 hours and almost miss her new baby's feed!!!)

I get the tiredness before delivery, and the anxiety too - You will be great!

Heather said...

Wow, I can so relate...the fatigue, weepiness, and anxiety. I could have written your post! :) Unfortunately I won't be taking any extended (i.e. more than a day or so) time off before I get induced on March 2nd. But I have taken a day off here and there when I've really felt I needed it, so that has helped a lot. I have my first dilation check tomorrow--can't wait to find out what's going on these days! Hang in there!!

cmay said...

I was like you too. I wanted to "do it all" and be strong--maybe we do that because we want to show everyone that we can handle ANYTHING. See? We don't need any special help! But. But! Pregnancy is tiring for any woman and taking time off before your due date sounds like just what you need. ( I gave myself permission too and changed my mind at 34 weeks to take time off--delivered 3 days later, darn it!) Not much rest, but at least SOME.
I like that you are paying attention to your body and revising things as needed.

Jo said...

thanks, everyone, for such caring comments! xo

S.I.F. said...

I think it is probably totally normal to be feeling the way you are right now, and it is amazing that you can recognize that your body needs more rest and are able to give that to yourself.

I just have to say, that I can't wait until I am in your position and ready to ask for help before I bring my little one into this world... Just can't wait!