Sunday, May 2, 2010

Big Boy

O is growing so fast. He was 7 lbs, 19 inches at birth and at his 8 week appointment he was 12 lbs 10 oz and 24 inches! Oh, my! I am already having trouble carrying him in the car seat. Here's some evidence...at 7 weeks.

We are doing really well. I've had some challenges with O's eating sensitivities and as of last Thursday I am off caffeine. This is monumental for me (I even had a cup of coffee every morning throughout the pregnancy). Beware the uncaffeinated new mom. I am such an addict. .. Anyway, his tummy troubles are obviously not serious, just unpleasant at times (profuse spit-up) but, given the weight gain he's really doing well and thriving in every other way, as well. He is a wonderfully calm little boy. I am so so lucky. On many fronts.

Emotionally, I am also good. I think the hardest thing for me has been something I didn't really think about that much. It's my desire to share this amazing little baby with other people. I think the lack of the partner for me is really a lack of a person to share the beautiful day-to-day developments with. It's so special, so miraculous. I talk to my mom every day, but it's different to experience it, vs. describe it. I've been a bit sad about that...not so much the lack of one particular man, but more generally the isolation of the experience. It's definitely an experience worth sharing.

I have found myself craving my family. My brothers have still not met O, and I am getting really sad (ok, annoyed) about that. One of them will met O in a couple of weeks when I go to Chicago (yay). I have extended several invitations to my oldest brother, and he is trying to figure out when to come (it's taking him long enough). I suppose to other people 2 months isn't a long period, but in my life, and O's life, it's an eternity.

I guess there is a secret fear I harbor that O will somehow notice the lack of family even at this young age. I guess I am projecting...I can give him so much love and I know I'm all he needs right now. It's me who needs the family. I just hope I can provide him with enough love so that he doesn't feel the lack that I do.

I've seen many friends and even been out and about in the evenings and I enjoy it so much, partially because I can see O through other people's eyes as well as my own, and experience my own joy over and over again as others meet him. It's wonderful. I spend most of these encounters beaming. So things are really great. Just missing family close by. I guess I knew that would be hard. And it is. But O keeps me full of happiness every day.

9 comments:

Hera said...

He's an adorable "big" boy!!!
I get what you're saying - it's not easy to be single in many big moments of our lives. Not having that ONE person to share everything with can be tiresome.
I know that's why I blog - this journey is #1 on my mind and while my friends are supportive, I can "talk" about it as much as I want here, and I like that.
Anyway, you have a receptive audience here so keep posting!

rachelbk said...

There are so many things about being a single mom that you don't think of until they're in your face. My married or partnered friends can still have their own lives because they can 'take a break' and get out alone once in a while without baby. With single motherhood, you're on 24/7 and it's really hard sometimes when all you really want is to go to a movie and have dinner without toting a diaper bag or worrying about cigarette smoke or diaper blowouts!
But it's hard too, when your baby does something for the first time, and you're the only one to see it, and no one else is quite as enthuised about it when you tell them.
That was part of my reason for a blog too.
Love O's chubby cheeks and chins!

DRMOMOFTWO said...

Look how cute he is!!!! I just want to pinch those fat cheeks. He's adorable. I totally know what you mean about family. Both of my parents are gone and my siblings live several hours away. There are lots of times when I wish they were closer. It really is a lonely feeling raising a child by yourself and not being able to share all the joys (and otherwise) with them firsthand. It does get easier, though. I guess you learn to accept it more as time goes on, or you maybe some friends become like family. I don't know. Hang in there, though, everyone will see that handsome boy soon!

Laraf123 said...

I had exactly the same experience with my son. I'm so independent that it came as a shock that I "missed something I never had" ie, a partner to share the wonder of this little one. I also have no family nearby. (My mom didn't even want to meet my son until he was 2 weeks old) I remember how painful that was. Our children are precious miracles. Thank you for sharing--your son is incredibly lucky to have you for a mom!

The Single Hussy said...

what a gorgeous boy! huzzah for chunky babies! :)

i hear you on the wanting someone to share the experience with. if i'm that way already with the TTC part, i'm going to be a nut-case by the time i have a baby. having my parents close will help, but my sisters have all moved away. i have a feeling i will have quite a baby blog going of various accomplishments.

feel free to share here with all of us -- you know we love it, and though it isn't the same as having a partner there in the moment, it is one step in creating the family you want for your gorgeous boy.

Genkicat said...

He is gorgeous! And I could have written this post. When I was having my crying spells right after delivery, that was my big thing - "I'm the only one who sees everything she does and loves her so much". Its not true, she has an incredible support system and many people love her. But on a day to day basis, not having anyone to share milestones with is hard to take sometimes.

Meg said...

Such a cutie! I just want to smoosh those cheeks :)

I love sharing my little guy with friends and I love the adoring looks he gets from friendly strangers while we're out and about. Enjoy your trip!

Jody said...

Your little boy is adorable :) You sound like a great mom who only want what is best for your boy.

Try not to stress to much about your brothers not meeting him yet, as it sounds like they don't live in the same town - it doesn't mean they don't want to meet him. My sister had her first baby in February and I had plans to fly to meet her this month, however my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I had to fly home to be with her during her surgery and coudln't afford another trip back out to Canada (they live in different provinces and I live in the UK) so soon. I'm trying my hardest to get back out there in Sept/Oct to meet my niece. But I think of her every day and can't wait to see new photos!

Keep doing such a great job - it will all come together eventually. x

cmay said...

O is such a cutie!!! I know those rolls are all over those thighs.
Like another poster said, I could have written that post too. It really is different being the only one. I felt very isolated. And I even had my parents nearby who certainly helped with the oogling and ooooing over every little cute thing. But still. Missing that other person--with EVERY aspect of caring for a child. Even just emptying the car of STUFF after getting home--just countless little things, that must be done by us moms, alone.
I hope all your family members get to cuddle this cutie soon.
I'm happy to have found this online community. It helps to find others in the same boat.
It's not nearly the same, but you have us.