Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Not a happy camper

Ok, I'm chillin' until Thursday, or maybe Friday (?), when I'll try HPT #2. I'm leaving tomorrow for the family reunion. How awkward that I'll be testing in the bathroom I'll be sharing with my parents. Not holding out a lot of hope. Absolutely 0 symptoms other than the release from mid-cycle cramping.

I called my mom yesterday and really whopped her with a big one. I was upset about the BFN and wanted to tell her. The thing is, I hadn't told her that I had started trying in earnest, so it was a big surprise for her, the whole thing. She struggled quite a bit and said something really annoying, which she says every time we discuss single motherhood. "It will be hard." Yea, well, I understand it will be fucking hard. I don't understand why she can't just be excited for me like all of my lovely, supportive friends. I mean I do understand...she was put on the earth to worry about me. I hate that I still crave comfort and support from my parents, when they really have so little to do with my life at this point, and they so RARELY deliver on that front. It almost never fails that when I seek support I end up feeling worse afterwards. Clearly, I'm a masochist.

Therefore, not looking forward to the family reunion. Especially because it has become kind of a yearly marker for me, along with Christmas and my birthday. Every year I think to myself "Maybe next year, I'll have a...(fill in the blank with) relationship or child." I have a REALLY horrible cousin who always asks me about my love life in front of everyone at the table. I've decided this year I will ask him about his hair transplants.

Speaking of camping, I somehow agreed to 2 nights of camping with my bro, sis in law, and 2 nephews (3 and 1). Should be interesting!


Billy said...

Yes, mothers are like that..tend to see how difficult it will be, instead of just standing by us when we need them.
Hope you have a good time at your family reunion, and I'm still crossing my fingers for a positive - I think most symptoms start to kick in a bit later, so lack of symptoms really doesn't mean a thing (of course in about 2,3 weeks time I will be searching like mad for any symptom..).

Regarding your cousin - yes, DO ask him about his hair transplant!

Meg said...

The camping trip sounds like fun!

The mom thing is a tough one. Usually the hardest things in life are the ones that bring the most joy. I hope she comes around and starts focusing on the joy.