Sunday, November 16, 2008

The Past Re-Emerges

So there is a guy in town who I dated on two separate occasions. By which I mean that we dated for about a month, broke up, and then dated again for about a month about 3 months after that (confused yet..?) I broke it off the second time; the first time was more complicated.

I have definitely wondered if I broke it off with him prematurely. You see, since "the big break up" 5 years ago I have been unusually quick to dismiss relationships. I tell myself that if there is anything that doesn't feel exactly right--any red flags whatsoever--I need to end things. This is an obvious offshoot of past experience, when I continued for years in a situation that didn't feel so great. And then it ended very painfully.

Anyway, I haven't seen this guy for a year (or even talked to him) and then last Friday night while I was out with some friends, there he was. Cute as ever. Nice as ever.

We talked for awhile. My friends told me we were both "glowing" and that it was a sight to behold. He spilled some beer on my suede shoes and was appropriately horrified (good sign). And yesterday, there it was in my inbox: an email from him suggesting that we should get together for a drink. I decided why not. One more try. Last year he had recently ended a long-term relationship so, I think, maybe he's more open to intimacy now (in a nutshell, that was the problem before). Hm. Right decision? I have no idea.

It's funny how dating seems like a distraction from the baby-making process, rather than a step toward it! Seriously. I am so convinced that doing this alone is my path; the thought of waiting to see if it will happen with a partner at this point seems ludicrous.


Starr Morgan said...

How interesting! I hope your re-uniting goes well, whether it is intimacy or friendship. I think you should continue on your plans, regardless of whether or not you meet someone. If you do end up meeting someone part way through the process that progresses towards a serious relationship then your plans for a family shouldnt change that. I think it would be no different than a single Mom meeting someone and starting a relationship. Your situation will be even better because there wont be any baggage of an ex-husband or boyfriend that has to be in your life for the baby's sake. If you meet someone now that has the potential to be serious and you put off your plans to see how it goes, there will be a lot more pressure on the relationship and if it ends you'll regret wasting all that time.

Meg said...

It's like they can sense when we're just a tiny bit unavailable! So crazy making!

I think if it was me I would persue both paths. I would continue to work out the details of using the known donor and also try to reconnect with Mr. Shoewrecker. If the relationship doesn't work out you haven't wasted any precious fertile time. If the third time really is a charm and Mr. Shoewrecker is really Mr. Right then you can revisit your timeline.

I guess what I keep in mind when facing a similar problem is
a year from now what will I regret the most? No baby or no relationship? I regret the no baby.