So there is a guy in town who I dated on two separate occasions. By which I mean that we dated for about a month, broke up, and then dated again for about a month about 3 months after that (confused yet..?) I broke it off the second time; the first time was more complicated.
I have definitely wondered if I broke it off with him prematurely. You see, since "the big break up" 5 years ago I have been unusually quick to dismiss relationships. I tell myself that if there is anything that doesn't feel exactly right--any red flags whatsoever--I need to end things. This is an obvious offshoot of past experience, when I continued for years in a situation that didn't feel so great. And then it ended very painfully.
Anyway, I haven't seen this guy for a year (or even talked to him) and then last Friday night while I was out with some friends, there he was. Cute as ever. Nice as ever.
We talked for awhile. My friends told me we were both "glowing" and that it was a sight to behold. He spilled some beer on my suede shoes and was appropriately horrified (good sign). And yesterday, there it was in my inbox: an email from him suggesting that we should get together for a drink. I decided why not. One more try. Last year he had recently ended a long-term relationship so, I think, maybe he's more open to intimacy now (in a nutshell, that was the problem before). Hm. Right decision? I have no idea.
It's funny how dating seems like a distraction from the baby-making process, rather than a step toward it! Seriously. I am so convinced that doing this alone is my path; the thought of waiting to see if it will happen with a partner at this point seems ludicrous.