Today I had a follow-up with my RE. I left feeling ashamed. He didn't mean to shame me; it's just that I brought up the idea of "home inseminations," which apparently is a big taboo. He stopped me right there and said we couldn't even discuss it, that it was against the law for him to give me any advice! Maybe I should've known that. But it was so abrupt and then it felt like we couldn't recover from it. I think he wanted to get me out of his office as soon as possible after that.
I feel kind of embarrassed by the whole thing. It's funny that if I was a "normal" patient (ie: married and ttc the old fashioned way), I'm sure they could discuss regular sexual practices but anything using donor sperm that doesn't go through the correct FDA channels is a big no-no. I guess it's a don't ask-don't tell situation from now on. Fine. I just wanted his advice anyway. Whether or not he approves of the situation doesn't concern me. What's most important is that I'm confident in my donor (who has been tested for absolutely everyting btw)!
It's just ironic that when a woman really really wants to have a child (as opposed to just accidentally getting pregnant with a man who may not be "FDA approved"), the red tape appears...
A friend of mine suggested using a midwife at home; apparently in Massachusetts midwives are allowed to do home IUI's. They clean the sperm and everything right there. I have a feeling it is not possible in my state (RI). If anyone has knowledge about this, please let me know.
4 comments:
I'll ask on the IVP forums for you. But do NOT feel badly about wanting to talk about this with your RE. sheesh- shame on him for making you feel ashamed in any way.
That being said- one of the first clinics I went to was a teaching one and I used to get a kick out of saying the word vagina as often as I could and watching the 12 year old newbie docs blush. heh.
Will get back to you ASAP about RI.
Sorry, no knowledge.
Here home insems are also a no-no, such that the bank from which I buy the sperms, makes me bring a note from my fertility clinic stating that's where I'm taking the sperms.
And am sorry you were made to feel ashamed.
Oh, no! Now I feel guilty that I didn't warn you about the known donor fda crap. I expect he explained about the quarantining. A known donor's sperm needs to be frozen and quarantined for 6 months, but a cheating husband or boyfriend's sperm is just fine. So stupid!
Jo, please email me. I'll give you the info you need to play the RE game. It's a shame we can't be totally honest with our doctors. When I was researching this stuff I discovered that the the ACLU is looking for cases like this. It's seriously discriminatory against single women and female same sex couples.
I despise feeling shamed by doctors!! So sorry you had to feel that way!! This should be a happy and exciting--NOT SHAMEFUL--time for you. I have no advice except to listen to the smart ladies who commented before me. Thinking of you and hoping the RE didn't take away any bit of your hope and excitement!!
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