Saturday, November 28, 2009

Family, Donor, and Neighbors

The SI syndrome has subsided after several rounds of physical therapy. It's not gone...and I'm worried about aggravating it again. Thus the sitting on the couch. And eating. There is lots of eating being done. Thanks for your kind words. I feel lucky that it lasted for just a couple of weeks and hopefully won't return.

I decided to stay in town for Thanksgiving and spend the evening with a close friend and his family. It was very nice. I don't usually like to travel on Thanksgiving, since my family isn't really within driving distance and I like to avoid flying with all the crowds. But every year I do feel a bit lonely with my decision. Like today, for instance. It would be nice to be surrounded by my family rather than sitting and eating on the couch (or sitting and eating on the couch while surrounded by my family).

Speaking of which, my brother is actually applying to jobs near me! He's the one with the 2 boys. It's really too good to be true, so I don't want to get my hopes up. And the jobs he's applying for are very competitive. But having family---even within 3 hours as opposed to 8, or 14--would be so wonderful. One of the jobs is even in the same town as me, but I daren't hope for such things...

My donor visited me yesterday, for the first time since I got pregnant. It was nice to see him. My relationship to the situation has evolved somewhat. When I first got pregnant I thought a lot about how nice it would be if he was involved as much as he wanted to be. But as the months have passed, and as I have noticed he has pretty much zero interest, and as I have become extremely protective of this little life inside me and of MY family, I have become much more cautious about that. He is a wonderful person but not always the most inward-looking and very non committal (one of the reasons he is a good donor). So the last thing I want is for him to see the child at first and then, later on (just when the child starts to know who he is!) decided it's inconvenient or something. The whole thing is a work in progress/unchartered territory and the nice thing is that we can talk about it. It's very clear that I've thought about the situation much more extensively than he (not to mention that I live with it every day). After his visit, I still believe that I can be in control of the situation, which is what I want and what's best for Fitzwilliam.

Finally, I am miserably adjusting to some new neighbors above me. I live in a 3-unit house converted to condos. The condo above me has been empty for almost 2 years. It is horribly loud and I've actually started looking at real estate listings! I am really sensitive to noise..had I known that the house was a veritable echo chamber, I really wouldn't have bought this place. I just hope I get used to it. They have a dog, too...a pit bull mix. I'm not thrilled with any of it. I wish I could just chill and block it out but I really can't.

On that note, time to get off the couch and go a restaurant. Just what I need!


Demeter said...

It is very interesting what you say about your donor, mine is also known and at first he did not want anything to do with the child, now 2 children, and now, he wants to be part of their lives. We are definitely in uncharted territories which the courts have no idea how to treat and it makes for things to get complicated, but as you say, you will get there when you get there. Hopefully you will have your brother soon, family time with cousins is lots of fun.

mischel said...

I wish I was closer to my family, too. It's very difficult to be so far away. Fingers crossed that your brother ends up close to you so Fitzwilliam can have cousins close by!

Have you tried talking to the people upstairs? Or is the noise, just regular noise and not them being particularly noisy? Dogs can definitely cause a lot of stress! When I had my son, I lived on one side of a double and the people next door got a dog...that barked and cried ALL DAY while they were gone. Then, my son cried all night with collick. I think we drove each other crazy. Hope the situation improves somehow!

cmay said...

Stress and anxiety over your donor's potential actions in the future--that could be an icky can of worms. I hope he stays as uninterested in parenthood as he is right now. But also kind hearted and delightful to Fitzwilliam if/when they ever meet.
I hope, hope, hope, hope that your brother gets the job nearest you! That would be GREAT to have cousins, BOY cousins to play with.
Good luck with the house noise. I don't like pit bulls or any thing that looks like one. Makes me nervous too.