Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Older Men and mystique of the Single Mom

Funny. Within the past week two older men have gotten REALLY into my pregnancy. By which I mean they are just so curious they can hardly contain themselves. And they haven't. Contained themselves.

So in my job I report to a Board, and these are 2 Board members and probably not insignificantly to the ego that is about to follow, they are both surgeons. What I find really interesting is they want to know all about the man who donated (which of course I don't reveal, and would rather not even talk about ... but the questions keep coming). Last night, this man actually said to me "Well, why didn't you ask me? If you want good genes that is." (READ: I am now projecting my ego onto you, and wondering why every younger woman doesn't ask me for my sperm). The major question both wanted answered was, "So, do you EVER want to get married?" (READ: Please, please don't tell me that men like me are completely unnecessary. Because we're not. We're really really necessary, right?) I do think it's funny that both just assumed that I chose mommyhood OVER marriage....the assumption being that had I wanted to be married I could've just snapped my fingers and found the perfect mate.

I will say both seemed utterly intrigued. They just wanted more and more information. I still haven't figured out quite how to deal with all the questions, probably because I don't expect that most people will actually have the nerve to ask them.

What I'm kind of enjoying, really, is the reactions that people who barely even know me have about my pregnancy. It doesn't offend me (well, maybe, sometimes a little). It's mostly just amusing. I think the worst thing one of them said was "WELL, I HOPE the baby is healthy because otherwise, you know, ...[didn't finish sentence]". That was just rude.



It's always interesting to see people's reactions. I remember telling a couple colleagues that I used anonymous donors for my kids and their jaws literally dropped. I think they had just never met someone who had done that. I'm sure that's true of the men who have expressed such interest. I think they truly respect the "new women!"

paragon2pieces said...

I think it's great that you're talking about it (to whatever extent you feel comfortable). I was an egg donor and I make it a point to share my experiences when asked because I think that the general public tends to make huge assumptions about the people involved in collaborative reproduction.

btw, coming from a family of surgeons, I think your observations are totally spot on.

cmay said...

I think your thoughts on their motivations are likely true, given I've had friendships with lots of surgeons over the years. I also thought, "Lots of doctors were donors in their school years. Perhaps they were more curious because they were donors, at one point."
I found that most people felt it was a strong and powerful move to decide to go with donor sperm. I don't know if they felt I couldn't or wouldn't marry. Or maybe they questioned my sexuality? Who knows. But most people were supportive--I hope you continue to have good reactions to your decision. It feels better to get assurances instead of judement. Not that it should matter....but you know. I'd rather have positive instead of negative interactions.