Sunday, January 11, 2009

Where I've Been

Here's the dish.

The holidays were hard for me. Really, really hard. I was lonely, and frustrated. The knowledge that I was moving on with my own plans for a family didn't help matters. I thought it would, and I've read other bloggers who say as much. But it didn't. I was low. Very very low. I was fixated more than ever on wanting a partner. And to top it all off, I spent a few days with my nephews and I was questioning whether I could handle it alone. Or honestly, whether I really wanted to do it alone. This is all very common stuff but I have not recovered from it yet, and I'm not sure if or when I will.

I know putting things off is not a great idea, but I think I'm going to have to, for the moment. It just wouldn't feel right to ttc with so many doubts.

Does anyone know of an SMC group in the southern New England area? the environs of Boston perhaps?


Meg said...

I'm sorry it was a rough holiday season. The process is such a roller coaster and sometimes we just need to step off for a little while. I know of a group in that area. I've been meaning to join for ages but haven't gotten around to it yet. I found them by searching yahoo groups. I'd be happy to send you the info I have if you email me at sweetbabydreamsblog at gmail dot com

Or we could just start our own group!

bleu said...

Holiday's can definitely be rough. Also dealing with other kids, anyone's but your own, can make you question parenthood for sure, trust me.

As for support I found babycenter online had a great smc board dedicated just to SMC's which is rare. I got a lot of great support there for years before I dealt with IF.

I also think figuring out what you want, what the priority is key to do before you go forward. I am not you but for me I knew a child was a way bigger priority for me than the relationship ideal situation I had in my head. If having the relationship situation is the priority for you, i.e. you want the marriage and family in that order, that is great you found out what you want, then go for that. Join a good dating service, seek out groups to help you meet more possibilities.
Truly knowing yourself and what those priorities will help you most, but having a child and wishing all the time you had a partner sharing it with you will be disaster for you both, the kid will feel it growing up and you will be miserable.

Good luck whichever you decide.

gwinne said...

I found your blog via Lost and Found. Have you contacted the official SMC organization? They should be able to put you in contact with an organizer for local events. I'm not in your geographical area, but I'd be happy to chat about SMC issues over email.

Pepper said...

Hi Jo. Sorry the holidays were rough. I definitely know what that's like.

I can track down the Boston SMC info for you. Leave me a comment on my blog and I'll email it to you.

Hang in there.

princessoftides said...

Holidays are tough, and Bleu is right (or so I've been told by many parents) that other people's kids are always different than your own. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

I think if you need a break, then you should definitely take one. Maybe it will give you some clarity and make you feel better about whatever decision you make. And deciding to do what's best for you can't be a wrong one.

Sorry about the holidays. I can relate.

Dora said...

Sorry you're having a rough time. Being on the path didn't help me get through the holidays any better.

I agree with what everyone else has said. Take the time you need. Meeting some SMCs in real life might help with your thought process.

Hang in there. We're listening.