Hey there! I am feeling so much better than I did about 3 or 4 weeks ago. Thanks for everyone's kind and supportive thoughts.
I am ridiculously, relentlessly busy at work. Actually, I took on a second job to try to pay down some debt and get ready for baby. So in addition to my regular work, which includes a fair bit of teaching in addition to exhibition planning (plus a publication due in about a month), I am teaching a college course two evenings a week. I really considered carefully whether I could handle the extra work (and teaching is such a notorious time suck). But in the end I felt I couldn't pass up the opportunity, given my debt and future plans--not to mention the current climate...any money is good money. One of the only ways someone with my training can make extra money is to teach (academics have few marketable skills :) )--so when the position fell in my lap, I really couldn't bring myself to say no.
That said, it is KICKING MY A.SS. I spend every Sunday, all day (just finished) preparing lectures. And during the week, it ain't easy. Last Thursday, I had a brutal day at work where I barely sat down, and then had to go teach at 6pm with forced energy. It felt like prison. I actually enjoy teaching and even prepping....but there need to be many more hours in the day...especially the ones when I actually relax my body, exercise, or laugh a little bit. The phrase from "The Sh.ining," when Jack Nicholson is typing the same thing over and over at his typewriter, comes to mind: "All work and no play makes...Jo...a very dull girl." Add the crappiest winter weather in years, + cabin fever and who knows, I may just end up a crazed axe murderer. Let's hope not.
Back to the feeling better part. I'm not quite ready to jump back into my plans at this moment, but I am feeling recovered enough from my depressing holidays to move on. I have a couple of things coming up. First, a combined work/fun trip to California in March, and second, hopefully, a real vacation. I am looking seriously into going to Europe for 2 weeks in June (specifically, Bordeaux), working on my French and tasting wines. I feel like this is something I need to do for myself before I start ttc. After that, I'll revisit (at least that's the plan as of today!) I'm still in good touch with bab.ydaddy and all is really great on that front.
And then, men. I am still seeing third-time-around guy just casually, very casually, and I have an old flame who I'm going to see out in California. I saw him over the holidays (long story...and yes, it did contribute to my confusion and depression). I am not expecting anything to come of it but I am looking forward to spending time with this guy in March.
So that's where I am. I've become terrible at commenting but I want everyone to know I am still following your stories!