I'm meeting with a midwife next Tuesday. My plan is to use the midwife for live sperm IUI with my known donor.
Saying I'm ready to begin has not been without its fears (several late-night awakenings in somewhat of a panic). I think this must be quite natural. Yes? But every morning when the night terrors have subsided, I am finally able to think to myself that THIS IS the time. A realization, long labored and long time coming, washed over me after my trip to San Francisco. This is me having a family. My own family. I know that sounds kind of...rudimentary...duh...of course it is. But for some reason my "thinking" stage has involved a lot of feelings that what I am doing is about a lack (of husband), a loss (of relationships). I don't really feel like that any more. Or, at least, I think I'm finally over it. This is about my own, sweet, loving, happy little family, one that I am building, one that is as vital and meaningful and wonderful...and legitimate...as anyone else's family.
I hope that makes sense. And when I think about it that way, it is so...amazing. So exciting! It's about plenty rather than lack.
On the money front, I paid off ALL OF MY CREDIT CARDS yesterday. What better time to begin? (note to self: no more visits to TJM.a.xx.)