Monday, October 13, 2008

Disparate Musings

Thank you to everyone who wrote me with support. I am not surprised, now that I've had time to reflect, that I responded in that dramatic way to the HSG. I should have known to tell the doctor my history of vasovagal fainting, but I definitely just put the whole thing out of my mind. At least now we (me and the doctor) know to be extra vigilant for future procedures.

The RE has said that I don't need to go through the HSG again unless I really insist (obviously I am not dying to try again). He says that given my history, as well as my laparoscopic surgery that revealed no endometrium on my tubes 5 years ago, the chances of my tubes being blocked are slim. He thinks I should go ahead and try a few IUI treatments (3, he said), and then if those don't take, do the HSG. I am inclined to go with him on this just because I'm leary of the HSG. My one hestitation is of course spending money on 3 months of treatments without being sure that everything is in working order. It's a tough call!

I am going to spend the weekend with my PKD next weekend in Brooklyn. There has already been a little bit of drama here---too much to even explain---let's just say it's complicated. Complicated is the operative word here. I am starting to think that the only way things will work out with this particular PKD is if we somehow end up together. Which is weird. Because after all, who would ever recommend coming at a partnership from this angle, now really? I am fully aware of the perilous territory I'm entering...

In the meantime, had an amazing talk with my mother, who must be winning the award for most supportive mother in the world...she is actually encouraging me to use anonymous (open identity) sperm! It was great to talk through the pros and cons with her, and it makes me realize I need to TALK about all these things more with people I love. It really helps. The blog is wonderful but it's not like having a conversation and seeing and hearing people's reactions to the things I'm struggling with.

In other thoughts, I've been moved by some of the amazingly supportive gestures taking place on the blogosphere amongst fellow SMC bloggers and Infertility bloggers (Dora, this means you!). There is amazing compassion out there.


Starr Morgan said...

Mothers can be soooo wonderful!! Mine is definitely my best support! I am glad to hear you have a good support system. Sounds like you have made some decisions about your next steps too, good luck!!

Dora said...

Awww, shucks! Thanks.

I'm sorry, but IMO, PKD is a baaaaad idea. Too much of your heart tangled in there. Too many things that could go wrong. Have you asked your gay friend? It took me a while to get up the courage to ask my donor (who's gay). Honestly, when you wrote about PKD's quick response, I was concerned. My donor took quite a while to make his decision. He had questions for me, he talked to his partner, he talked to his sister and mother. It wasn't a quick process, but we are both confident about the decision. (Too bad my ovaries won't cooperate.) This is not an easy path on your own, I don't want you to be hurt by a complicated relationship with your donor.

Okay, now on the positive side, you're visiting NYC next weekend. Wanna get together? Email me. :-)

Oh, and re the HSG, you'd have a catheter inserted through your cervix for an IUI anyway, so I think you should get it. Maybe you need a little iv sedation (iv valium is great!), but you'd probably need it for the IUI, too. You should make sure your tubes are clear before spending $$ and time on IUIs. Also, the dr needs to know what it will take to get past your cervix without you fainting.

Glad your mom is being so great. Mine's a royal PIA! Oh, well, I have a wonderful family of choice! And I have my internets!!