Next Wednesday is my 39th birthday. That's March 3 (3/3). The day after that I'll be entering my 39th week of pregnancy. Something tells me that all these threes are somehow auspicious. Not a believer in Chinese astrology, particularly, but I'm wondering what a Chinese astrologer would say about the chances of my little boy arriving on 3/3 (perhaps at 3:33?)
So....2 cm (no, not 3) dilated at this point. My OB said that was "pretty good for a first timer" at just shy of 38 weeks. I love it. As if I can really take any credit for the progress of my cervix. But go, cervix, go!
Still going to work. I'm soldiering forward. My wonderful doctor said she could take me out any time I wish and get me on disability. But I'm still just not willing to cash in on my 13 week leave quite yet. I'm having a good week fatigue-wise (tired, but not overwhelmed) and I'm not weeping anymore. So for now the plan is to work until Friday the 5th (barring potential arrival on 3/3) and that's it.
The nursery is totally done. Clothes are laundered. Diapers are in the house. Haven't installed the car seat yet but was kind of waiting for my mom to arrive (on 3/3). My place is clean. Not immaculate, but clean.
And so, I wait. This is a really intense time! The anticipation is crazy. Beyond all-encompassing. Amazing. Exciting. Terrifying. I am so thankful in so may ways right now.
Updates to come.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Re-assessing the plan
Well, just past 36 weeks! Wow. Still can't believe it.
I had such a hard week at work. My energy levels are wildly fluctuating, and there are times when I have such intense bodily fatigue I can hardly communicate with my colleagues. At other times I'm fine...but at this point my life consists of going to work and then coming home and crashing.
I had this really ambitious plan of working straight up to my due date (March 12), thus saving all of my leave/vacation/sick time until post-baby. As of this weekend that plan is being seriously reconsidered. I was so beat after my week and I didn't realize how much tension I was holding in my body.
Friday night I started having some anxiety (hadn't felt that since the first trimester). Then Saturday morning I went to my pre-natal yoga class. I told the teacher I was feeling uncommonly fatigued. She announced to the class that we would be having a very gentle class that day. That small act of compassion and caring, combined with the yoga itself when I started to just relax and breathe...well, it let the floodgates open. I started weeping during the class. I didn't stop for the entire class, with tears literally pouring down my cheeks. My classmates and teacher were so compassionate. It was incredible.
Clearly my body and emotions are telling me that I cannot keep going like I am going. I need to give myself permission to step back and to rest my body and care for myself. When I say give myself permission, it's because everyone around me fully expects that I'll be leaving work any day now. I'm the one being hard on myself. My biggest concern at this point is that I know I don't want to feel this exhausted when I go into labor. So I'll probably leave work the week before the due date (if not 2 weeks before). I've asked my mom to come sooner than we were planning, so that she can help me before the birth as well as after. Asking for help, and being gentle with myself. These are life lessons I really need to take to heart before my little boy arrives.
Today I feel much better (thank heaven for a 3 day weekend, too). I had a great meeting with my doula and lunch with a friend, and yes, I'm relaxing. I'm going to see how work goes this week. My OB indicated last Friday that we might be able to get me out on disability sooner than my due date, which would be GREAT. If that doesn't work, I'll just cash in my sick leave. Not what I had planned, but perhaps what I need.
Btw, at my OB appointment Friday, I was told I'm thinning, and "a bit" dilated~! And my little Fitzy is cooperating by being head down. What a good boy!
I had such a hard week at work. My energy levels are wildly fluctuating, and there are times when I have such intense bodily fatigue I can hardly communicate with my colleagues. At other times I'm fine...but at this point my life consists of going to work and then coming home and crashing.
I had this really ambitious plan of working straight up to my due date (March 12), thus saving all of my leave/vacation/sick time until post-baby. As of this weekend that plan is being seriously reconsidered. I was so beat after my week and I didn't realize how much tension I was holding in my body.
Friday night I started having some anxiety (hadn't felt that since the first trimester). Then Saturday morning I went to my pre-natal yoga class. I told the teacher I was feeling uncommonly fatigued. She announced to the class that we would be having a very gentle class that day. That small act of compassion and caring, combined with the yoga itself when I started to just relax and breathe...well, it let the floodgates open. I started weeping during the class. I didn't stop for the entire class, with tears literally pouring down my cheeks. My classmates and teacher were so compassionate. It was incredible.
Clearly my body and emotions are telling me that I cannot keep going like I am going. I need to give myself permission to step back and to rest my body and care for myself. When I say give myself permission, it's because everyone around me fully expects that I'll be leaving work any day now. I'm the one being hard on myself. My biggest concern at this point is that I know I don't want to feel this exhausted when I go into labor. So I'll probably leave work the week before the due date (if not 2 weeks before). I've asked my mom to come sooner than we were planning, so that she can help me before the birth as well as after. Asking for help, and being gentle with myself. These are life lessons I really need to take to heart before my little boy arrives.
Today I feel much better (thank heaven for a 3 day weekend, too). I had a great meeting with my doula and lunch with a friend, and yes, I'm relaxing. I'm going to see how work goes this week. My OB indicated last Friday that we might be able to get me out on disability sooner than my due date, which would be GREAT. If that doesn't work, I'll just cash in my sick leave. Not what I had planned, but perhaps what I need.
Btw, at my OB appointment Friday, I was told I'm thinning, and "a bit" dilated~! And my little Fitzy is cooperating by being head down. What a good boy!
Friday, February 5, 2010
If only my cat could give me a foot massage
35 weeks. Boy, do my feet hurt. Especially because I can no longer wear my special shoes!
So, I took a tumble a couple days ago. There I was, walking down the street in my new clogs, which take the pressure off my heels and make my feet feel good. Little did I know that it's hard to get used to them at first...apparently a lot of people trip and fall because they aren't used to taking the weight off their heels. (So yea, I wish the sales lady would've told me that before I shelled out $88!) But anyway...about the fall. I took a misstep and went FLYING. Through the air. And forward. I can't tell you the anguish that went through my mind in that split instant! Awful, just awful. So somehow, instinctually, I managed to hurl myself sideways (thanks yoga?), so that I landed on my hand, the left side of my left knee (yep, tore the trousers), and my left shoulder. Completely missed the belly. Of course, I wasn't sure of that in that instant. It was so dramatic that a car stopped, along with the man walking behind me and several other people. I was, of course, bawling my eyes out (instant reaction for me to just about everything these days). I was so extremely shaken up---mostly from the trauma of thinking I had hurt my baby, not so much the actual pain---that I literally could not work for the rest of the day. Not a pleasant experience.
Anyway, all is well. I completely flattened my glasses case (my glasses weren't inside, thankfully!) and have major bruises and did something weird to my hand, but Fitz is fine, absolutely fine (yes--I called the doc immediately and monitored myself like a hawk!)
But that's the drama. The nice stuff is that my friend M threw me the NICEST baby shower last Sunday! It was a tea and cookies and finger sandwiches affair. It was so nice to be surrounded by supportive women who care about me and my as-yet-arrived little boy! Really, really touching. Yep, got lots of beautiful things. Mostly outfits that I would never splurge on myself. In the meantime, I've received literally bag-loads (many) of hand-me-down clothes. I really do not need to purchase a single item of clothing.
It felt so good. You know, never had the wedding, never had the bridal shower, never had big events that celebrated milestones in my life. (Strangely even my graduations were not big affairs--I attended my PhD graduation without my family--one of the problems with living so scattered from my family). So I must say I thought to myself---enjoy this! It's about damn time.
Now if only I can get someone to give me a nightly foot massage...since the clogs have now been returned to the closet indefinitely...kitty? oh kitty?? Sigh. He prefers it the other way around, and usually gets what he wants.
So, I took a tumble a couple days ago. There I was, walking down the street in my new clogs, which take the pressure off my heels and make my feet feel good. Little did I know that it's hard to get used to them at first...apparently a lot of people trip and fall because they aren't used to taking the weight off their heels. (So yea, I wish the sales lady would've told me that before I shelled out $88!) But anyway...about the fall. I took a misstep and went FLYING. Through the air. And forward. I can't tell you the anguish that went through my mind in that split instant! Awful, just awful. So somehow, instinctually, I managed to hurl myself sideways (thanks yoga?), so that I landed on my hand, the left side of my left knee (yep, tore the trousers), and my left shoulder. Completely missed the belly. Of course, I wasn't sure of that in that instant. It was so dramatic that a car stopped, along with the man walking behind me and several other people. I was, of course, bawling my eyes out (instant reaction for me to just about everything these days). I was so extremely shaken up---mostly from the trauma of thinking I had hurt my baby, not so much the actual pain---that I literally could not work for the rest of the day. Not a pleasant experience.
Anyway, all is well. I completely flattened my glasses case (my glasses weren't inside, thankfully!) and have major bruises and did something weird to my hand, but Fitz is fine, absolutely fine (yes--I called the doc immediately and monitored myself like a hawk!)
But that's the drama. The nice stuff is that my friend M threw me the NICEST baby shower last Sunday! It was a tea and cookies and finger sandwiches affair. It was so nice to be surrounded by supportive women who care about me and my as-yet-arrived little boy! Really, really touching. Yep, got lots of beautiful things. Mostly outfits that I would never splurge on myself. In the meantime, I've received literally bag-loads (many) of hand-me-down clothes. I really do not need to purchase a single item of clothing.
It felt so good. You know, never had the wedding, never had the bridal shower, never had big events that celebrated milestones in my life. (Strangely even my graduations were not big affairs--I attended my PhD graduation without my family--one of the problems with living so scattered from my family). So I must say I thought to myself---enjoy this! It's about damn time.
Now if only I can get someone to give me a nightly foot massage...since the clogs have now been returned to the closet indefinitely...kitty? oh kitty?? Sigh. He prefers it the other way around, and usually gets what he wants.
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