Sunday, October 4, 2009

Evolved people

It's interesting to me that I've been so SURPRISED at the generally very positive reactions that the "wider world" has had to my pregnancy. This tells me something about myself. Deep down I am so very very concerned with what people think of me. Even though I've often taken my own path in life, that path has always been very socially acceptable because it has involved achievements of the sort that people respect. This is definitely the most radically against-the-social-norm thing I have ever done, or ever will do. And in some ways, the "coming out" was very traumatic for me. Now that I've seen how accepting everyone is, I feel great, but also kind of embarrassed with myself that others' approval meant so much to me. I wonder if I would have TTC much, much earlier if I could have just let go of that?

Now, I'm kind of enjoying the fact that people might be whispering about me behind my back. I guess it makes me feel special and interesting, instead of the social pariah I thought it would! I'm sure there is whispering, because I haven't told the general world the 'circumstances' of my pregnancy. I don't feel that it's anyone else's business---that's between me and my baby. The amazing thing is that NOT ONE PERSON HAS EVEN ASKED. They have been so accepting. When I began to tell my boss about the donor (she was the only one I was going to tell), she actually kind of stopped me and said it was none of her business, that she is just so happy for me. Isn't the amazing? People are so much more evolved that I expected. I've also been immediately accepted into the mommyhood fold. It's so interesting; almost like people now consider me an adult, or something!

As far as physically, I've been feeling quite good. I wouldn't say that I'm bursting with energy, but I seem to be able to rise to the occasion when I really need to. I've been quite focused at work and feel well, sometimes even feeling like I'm not pregnant (except for those rubber bands currently being used to hold my pants closed). Pregnancy has been easy for me so far on the physical side, but more of a mental and emotional battle than I expected.

Finally, I miss my mom terribly. She's been on a trip to Europe for the last two weeks, and I absolutely can't stand it! She is such an important part of this journey. I've started to really scheme about how I can get her to take an apartment in my town for a few months a year when the baby comes...of course, yes, I still have my dad to deal with, who would completely nix that idea. So I'm wondering what other ways we can devise to spend more time together with my baby.


Meg said...

I've been surprised by all the postive reactions I've gotten too. I wasn't expecting everyone to be so onboard and excited for me. It's been nice.

I'm sure Mom has a few ideas of her own on how she'll be spending more time with you and baby!

Tanya said...

I've told people how I conceived and was surprised by how many people tell me they wish they had been strong enough to do it on their own. I don't think it's "strong", I think it's a life choice. I never really had the desire to get married... if I had I suppose I would have actually tried to find a man.

I'm happy to hear that you've been pleasantly surprised by people.

cmay said...

I totally understand missing your mom. I have the same kind of relationshiop with mine--especially since conceiving my son. She is my right hand. Or rather left (she's a lefty). I love hanging out with her and T. It makes everything more fun. I bet it's the same with you and your mom.

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for the positive response you've received! It's encouraging for us wannabes. :) I'm glad you're feeling good too.