Well, I have three of 'my ladies,' that is, my online ttc ladies, who are currently in a tww. This is very exciting and I would say that March is a very auspicious month...crossing fingers, ladies!
I don't have a huge amount to post about, as I continue to be working my fingers to the bone. This period of having-no-life work will end in late April....so I'm just holding on until then. Unfortunately my body starts to react to the stress. The worst of the worst is the insomnia. Last week I got 3 or 4 hours of sleep on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. It's pretty much hell...when you know you have so much to do the next day and yet cannot get to sleep. I've tried myriad drugs, over the counter ones (I can't take A.mbien--it freaks me out and makes me whacky). The following do not put me to sleep (but succeed in making me very groggy the next day): T.ylenol Pm, Actifed (it used to work), even muscle relaxers. No dice. I finally tried good ole' natural Mel.atonin last night and got 10 hours. Thank you lord. This is my new best friend.
Strangely, I am pretty functional (although not very cheerful--or pretty) on very little sleep. Maybe I'm practicing for a little one! ?
So, yea, this is what I've been focusing on. Not very exciting, is it? However, the end result of all this work will be a beauoooootiful exhibition and BOOK ! I can't wait to share it!
Social life is a bit off. I had a weird falling out with a friend recently (nothing major, more of mutual moving on from the friendship). However, moving on from one friendship significantly decreases my social life. So my closest friend in town and I decided to take action. We pooled our address books for all those women we've met and thought "I'd like to get to know her better" and started organizing drinks and other events (my friends is really more the organizer, thank god). Tomorrow we're doing a very Sex & the City-style brunch with some new lady friends. It's always good to make new friends, and it makes you realize that there are always interesting people out there if you try. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to cross over to males, at least not in my town, and at least not yet. Numerous address book searches don't seem to uncover any interesting males who would like to go to drinks or brunch.... sigh.
Signing off, cheers !
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Swimmers Humor?
My donor is a really self-effacing, shy kind of guy, and it took him a little while to get up the nerve to talk to his doctor about being a donor and get his stuff analyzed. So I've been waiting around kind of patiently, I hope, and I finally got the news Friday. His doctor, with whom he seems to have a hilarious, friendly relationship, left the following message--transcribed verbatim--on his phone.
"Hi pkd. This is Dr. soandso, how are you? Um, we have your 2emen analysis report and I’m happy to tell you that you have the largest volume of schpuze that I have seen in a long time. You are quite the stud, and your volume was 6.7 milliliters—anything over 2 is normal, so you’re more than three times the normal, sort of, schpuze amount; and your, um, concentration is, um, 154 million per milliliter—20 is considered normal. Your 2perm count is over a million, when 40 would do. And 59% of these guys are wiggling—normal’s 50, but I think the other 41% can’t wiggle so well because… they’re crowded.
"Anyway, um, so I think that you are probably incredibly fertile, and anyone would be really lucky to have your 2perm. Okay? So that is my distinct medical opinion. And if you need a copy of this 2emen analysis report just call my office and we would be glad to send it off to you. Okay? Maybe you should frame it. Bye."
Funny, yes? This probably made my very unassuming pkd's year--and why not? He deserves a manly boost of confidence for all his efforts.
"Hi pkd. This is Dr. soandso, how are you? Um, we have your 2emen analysis report and I’m happy to tell you that you have the largest volume of schpuze that I have seen in a long time. You are quite the stud, and your volume was 6.7 milliliters—anything over 2 is normal, so you’re more than three times the normal, sort of, schpuze amount; and your, um, concentration is, um, 154 million per milliliter—20 is considered normal. Your 2perm count is over a million, when 40 would do. And 59% of these guys are wiggling—normal’s 50, but I think the other 41% can’t wiggle so well because… they’re crowded.
"Anyway, um, so I think that you are probably incredibly fertile, and anyone would be really lucky to have your 2perm. Okay? So that is my distinct medical opinion. And if you need a copy of this 2emen analysis report just call my office and we would be glad to send it off to you. Okay? Maybe you should frame it. Bye."
Funny, yes? This probably made my very unassuming pkd's year--and why not? He deserves a manly boost of confidence for all his efforts.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Shining
Hey there! I am feeling so much better than I did about 3 or 4 weeks ago. Thanks for everyone's kind and supportive thoughts.
I am ridiculously, relentlessly busy at work. Actually, I took on a second job to try to pay down some debt and get ready for baby. So in addition to my regular work, which includes a fair bit of teaching in addition to exhibition planning (plus a publication due in about a month), I am teaching a college course two evenings a week. I really considered carefully whether I could handle the extra work (and teaching is such a notorious time suck). But in the end I felt I couldn't pass up the opportunity, given my debt and future plans--not to mention the current climate...any money is good money. One of the only ways someone with my training can make extra money is to teach (academics have few marketable skills :) )--so when the position fell in my lap, I really couldn't bring myself to say no.
That said, it is KICKING MY A.SS. I spend every Sunday, all day (just finished) preparing lectures. And during the week, it ain't easy. Last Thursday, I had a brutal day at work where I barely sat down, and then had to go teach at 6pm with forced energy. It felt like prison. I actually enjoy teaching and even prepping....but there need to be many more hours in the day...especially the ones when I actually relax my body, exercise, or laugh a little bit. The phrase from "The Sh.ining," when Jack Nicholson is typing the same thing over and over at his typewriter, comes to mind: "All work and no play makes...Jo...a very dull girl." Add the crappiest winter weather in years, + cabin fever and who knows, I may just end up a crazed axe murderer. Let's hope not.
Back to the feeling better part. I'm not quite ready to jump back into my plans at this moment, but I am feeling recovered enough from my depressing holidays to move on. I have a couple of things coming up. First, a combined work/fun trip to California in March, and second, hopefully, a real vacation. I am looking seriously into going to Europe for 2 weeks in June (specifically, Bordeaux), working on my French and tasting wines. I feel like this is something I need to do for myself before I start ttc. After that, I'll revisit (at least that's the plan as of today!) I'm still in good touch with bab.ydaddy and all is really great on that front.
And then, men. I am still seeing third-time-around guy just casually, very casually, and I have an old flame who I'm going to see out in California. I saw him over the holidays (long story...and yes, it did contribute to my confusion and depression). I am not expecting anything to come of it but I am looking forward to spending time with this guy in March.
So that's where I am. I've become terrible at commenting but I want everyone to know I am still following your stories!
I am ridiculously, relentlessly busy at work. Actually, I took on a second job to try to pay down some debt and get ready for baby. So in addition to my regular work, which includes a fair bit of teaching in addition to exhibition planning (plus a publication due in about a month), I am teaching a college course two evenings a week. I really considered carefully whether I could handle the extra work (and teaching is such a notorious time suck). But in the end I felt I couldn't pass up the opportunity, given my debt and future plans--not to mention the current climate...any money is good money. One of the only ways someone with my training can make extra money is to teach (academics have few marketable skills :) )--so when the position fell in my lap, I really couldn't bring myself to say no.
That said, it is KICKING MY A.SS. I spend every Sunday, all day (just finished) preparing lectures. And during the week, it ain't easy. Last Thursday, I had a brutal day at work where I barely sat down, and then had to go teach at 6pm with forced energy. It felt like prison. I actually enjoy teaching and even prepping....but there need to be many more hours in the day...especially the ones when I actually relax my body, exercise, or laugh a little bit. The phrase from "The Sh.ining," when Jack Nicholson is typing the same thing over and over at his typewriter, comes to mind: "All work and no play makes...Jo...a very dull girl." Add the crappiest winter weather in years, + cabin fever and who knows, I may just end up a crazed axe murderer. Let's hope not.
Back to the feeling better part. I'm not quite ready to jump back into my plans at this moment, but I am feeling recovered enough from my depressing holidays to move on. I have a couple of things coming up. First, a combined work/fun trip to California in March, and second, hopefully, a real vacation. I am looking seriously into going to Europe for 2 weeks in June (specifically, Bordeaux), working on my French and tasting wines. I feel like this is something I need to do for myself before I start ttc. After that, I'll revisit (at least that's the plan as of today!) I'm still in good touch with bab.ydaddy and all is really great on that front.
And then, men. I am still seeing third-time-around guy just casually, very casually, and I have an old flame who I'm going to see out in California. I saw him over the holidays (long story...and yes, it did contribute to my confusion and depression). I am not expecting anything to come of it but I am looking forward to spending time with this guy in March.
So that's where I am. I've become terrible at commenting but I want everyone to know I am still following your stories!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Where I've Been
Here's the dish.
The holidays were hard for me. Really, really hard. I was lonely, and frustrated. The knowledge that I was moving on with my own plans for a family didn't help matters. I thought it would, and I've read other bloggers who say as much. But it didn't. I was low. Very very low. I was fixated more than ever on wanting a partner. And to top it all off, I spent a few days with my nephews and I was questioning whether I could handle it alone. Or honestly, whether I really wanted to do it alone. This is all very common stuff but I have not recovered from it yet, and I'm not sure if or when I will.
I know putting things off is not a great idea, but I think I'm going to have to, for the moment. It just wouldn't feel right to ttc with so many doubts.
Does anyone know of an SMC group in the southern New England area? the environs of Boston perhaps?
The holidays were hard for me. Really, really hard. I was lonely, and frustrated. The knowledge that I was moving on with my own plans for a family didn't help matters. I thought it would, and I've read other bloggers who say as much. But it didn't. I was low. Very very low. I was fixated more than ever on wanting a partner. And to top it all off, I spent a few days with my nephews and I was questioning whether I could handle it alone. Or honestly, whether I really wanted to do it alone. This is all very common stuff but I have not recovered from it yet, and I'm not sure if or when I will.
I know putting things off is not a great idea, but I think I'm going to have to, for the moment. It just wouldn't feel right to ttc with so many doubts.
Does anyone know of an SMC group in the southern New England area? the environs of Boston perhaps?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
New Year's Meme
I know, another list. But I'm trying to get motivated to post, without luck, and this seemed kind of fun. Feel free to cut and paste (like I did) and do it yourself! (edit Jan 9: date fix: didn't even notice I copied 2007 instead of 2008...! Still in denial apparently:)
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? I went sea kayaking in the actual sea.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My usual resolution is the vague, "experience more joy." That's not something you can really control, but I'm trying it again this year. Fair to middlen last year. My most major resolution is to once and for all pay off my credit card debt.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother/sis in law, and one of my closest friends, Marci.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? None, I guess. (but Western TX did seem like another world).
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A relationship.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 4!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Running my department at work in the absence of my colleague and then getting a promotion.
9. What was your biggest failure? Saving money.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, thank goodness!
11. What was the best thing you bought? I guess it was a new computer-- or a new bed--or two beautiful etchings (yeah, workin' on that credit card debt) :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my very supportive mother, and my PKD
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? a friend who seems to think she's still in high school
14. Where did most of your money go? mortgage/credit card debt/school loans
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my trip to Marfa, TX
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? "I Feel it All" (Feist)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? probably about the same: not too happy, not too sad, I'm slightly thinner since going off hormones, I'm slightly more flush since my promotion
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? traveled for pleasure
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? sitting at my computer on weekends
20. How did you spend Christmas? with family in the Midwest
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? well.....
22. What was your favorite TV program? oh, those mad mad men
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I feel bad saying I hate her cause she's just so pathetic. (ffft ffft, rreeerrr!)
24. What was the best book you read? Sebastian Faulk's Birdsong
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Feist
26. What did you want and get? a really pretty new winter coat
27. What did you want and not get? an ip.hone
28. What was your favorite film of this year? totally blanking; the only thing that comes to mind is WALL--E
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 37; I got a facial and a pedicure at a nice spa. I went to work.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? having a boyfriend to spend the holidays with would've been really really nice. Yeah, I'm still there.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? spend more money on fewer things and make 'em special. Thus the cc debt.
32. What kept you sane? my kitty
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Obama!
34. What political issue stirred you the most? the Palin phenomenon. Wha??
35. Who did you miss? my friends in SF and NY
36. Who was the best new person you met? definitely my internet friends
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. take a friend to the hospital with you when undergoing invasive test procedures
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "She gonna put, sugar on my tongue. She gonna, gimme gimme gimme some." (talking heads).
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? I went sea kayaking in the actual sea.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My usual resolution is the vague, "experience more joy." That's not something you can really control, but I'm trying it again this year. Fair to middlen last year. My most major resolution is to once and for all pay off my credit card debt.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My brother/sis in law, and one of my closest friends, Marci.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? None, I guess. (but Western TX did seem like another world).
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A relationship.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 4!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Running my department at work in the absence of my colleague and then getting a promotion.
9. What was your biggest failure? Saving money.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No, thank goodness!
11. What was the best thing you bought? I guess it was a new computer-- or a new bed--or two beautiful etchings (yeah, workin' on that credit card debt) :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my very supportive mother, and my PKD
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? a friend who seems to think she's still in high school
14. Where did most of your money go? mortgage/credit card debt/school loans
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my trip to Marfa, TX
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? "I Feel it All" (Feist)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? probably about the same: not too happy, not too sad, I'm slightly thinner since going off hormones, I'm slightly more flush since my promotion
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? traveled for pleasure
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? sitting at my computer on weekends
20. How did you spend Christmas? with family in the Midwest
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? well.....
22. What was your favorite TV program? oh, those mad mad men
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I feel bad saying I hate her cause she's just so pathetic. (ffft ffft, rreeerrr!)
24. What was the best book you read? Sebastian Faulk's Birdsong
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Feist
26. What did you want and get? a really pretty new winter coat
27. What did you want and not get? an ip.hone
28. What was your favorite film of this year? totally blanking; the only thing that comes to mind is WALL--E
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 37; I got a facial and a pedicure at a nice spa. I went to work.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? having a boyfriend to spend the holidays with would've been really really nice. Yeah, I'm still there.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? spend more money on fewer things and make 'em special. Thus the cc debt.
32. What kept you sane? my kitty
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Obama!
34. What political issue stirred you the most? the Palin phenomenon. Wha??
35. Who did you miss? my friends in SF and NY
36. Who was the best new person you met? definitely my internet friends
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. take a friend to the hospital with you when undergoing invasive test procedures
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "She gonna put, sugar on my tongue. She gonna, gimme gimme gimme some." (talking heads).
Thursday, January 1, 2009
7 Things
I got tagged by MeAndBaby. This is good: I've been very unmotivated lately to blog. There's a lot going on my head, and for some reason I can't seem to get it out. I'm kind of in a don't-deal-with-it phase, I guess.
So...here goes. 7 unusual things about me.
1. I lived in Antwerp, Belgium for a year. This was while I was doing research for my dissertation. Every day, I walked about 1/4 mile to a beautiful 16th century museum and did research in the archives there. I love Belgium although it was very difficult to make friends there (with Belgians): I made a lot of foreigner friends. The month before I left, I tried one chocolate truffle per day to choose the best one (I chose it, if anyone is interested!)
2. I didn't grow hair until I was 2-1/2! Seriously! Only peach fuzz til then. (I'm hoping this means my hair will stay around for a really long time). I also had a wandering eye that was fixed by surgery at age 2. I like to think I was a charmingly cute baby. :)
3. I was the valedictorian of my high school class. It was very dramatic because it was a surprise. I kind of edged out the girl who everyone had assumed would be valedictorian for 4 years. At the time, I liked to fancy myself the smart-girl-who-also-partied, so after that my cover was completely blown. I would go to graduation parties, the room would go silent, and someone would say "Ohhhhh, the valedictoooooooorian is here. Everyone behave."
4. I love to backpack and have taken several somewhat death-defying 'backcountry' trips. I know this isn't really that unusual, but I do get raised eyebrows when I tell people. I'm somewhat girly-looking and people get confused.
5. My favorite vegetable by far is brussel sprouts. I have them at least once, but sometimes multiple times per week. I have no idea whether this has anything to do with my stay in Belgium. Perhaps.
6. I'm ridiculously organized and I'm never late (even when I try to be). At the same time, no one has ever described me as Type A (my condo is usually a mess). I'm a weird hybrid.
7. I'm a sucker for really sentimental, moody types of music, like Col.dplay, Kate B.ush, Joni Mi.tchell, that kind of thing (but then again, I've been known to jam out to the truly un-sentimental PJ Ha.rvey).
And I'm going to tag our SMC blogging newbie, Rachael at SMCDownUnder. You're it!
So...here goes. 7 unusual things about me.
1. I lived in Antwerp, Belgium for a year. This was while I was doing research for my dissertation. Every day, I walked about 1/4 mile to a beautiful 16th century museum and did research in the archives there. I love Belgium although it was very difficult to make friends there (with Belgians): I made a lot of foreigner friends. The month before I left, I tried one chocolate truffle per day to choose the best one (I chose it, if anyone is interested!)
2. I didn't grow hair until I was 2-1/2! Seriously! Only peach fuzz til then. (I'm hoping this means my hair will stay around for a really long time). I also had a wandering eye that was fixed by surgery at age 2. I like to think I was a charmingly cute baby. :)
3. I was the valedictorian of my high school class. It was very dramatic because it was a surprise. I kind of edged out the girl who everyone had assumed would be valedictorian for 4 years. At the time, I liked to fancy myself the smart-girl-who-also-partied, so after that my cover was completely blown. I would go to graduation parties, the room would go silent, and someone would say "Ohhhhh, the valedictoooooooorian is here. Everyone behave."
4. I love to backpack and have taken several somewhat death-defying 'backcountry' trips. I know this isn't really that unusual, but I do get raised eyebrows when I tell people. I'm somewhat girly-looking and people get confused.
5. My favorite vegetable by far is brussel sprouts. I have them at least once, but sometimes multiple times per week. I have no idea whether this has anything to do with my stay in Belgium. Perhaps.
6. I'm ridiculously organized and I'm never late (even when I try to be). At the same time, no one has ever described me as Type A (my condo is usually a mess). I'm a weird hybrid.
7. I'm a sucker for really sentimental, moody types of music, like Col.dplay, Kate B.ush, Joni Mi.tchell, that kind of thing (but then again, I've been known to jam out to the truly un-sentimental PJ Ha.rvey).
And I'm going to tag our SMC blogging newbie, Rachael at SMCDownUnder. You're it!
Monday, December 15, 2008
One More Reason to Start Soon
I recently applied for a job in California. I lived in California for 11 years before moving to the East Coast for a job. I *really* miss California; I have many close friends there; in many ways I feel like it is my true home, even though I grew up in the Midwest. I also have real issues with the state I live in now, (read: insurance laws, insemination laws, corrupt government, you name it!) and would love to live somewhere more progressive. And prettier.
But it's been such a quandry, because the job and move, if I got it (and I think I am a good contender) would cut right into the whole "schedule." It was crazy for me not to apply, because I want to end up in CA, and I work in such a ridiculously specialized field that this is one of TWO jobs in the Bay Area that I would ever take.
Not to mention selling my condo right now would be a niiiightmare.
Plus, I checked, and the institution doesn't give maternity benefits until a year of employment. That would be a major problem if I arrived pregnant. (But they also provide up to 1/2 funding for an adoption--pretty amazing!) I've found that good policies for gay couples usually = good policies for SMCs, as well.
I know, I'm putting the cart way before the horse but if I am anything, it's a planner. It's a compulsion of mine that I consider absolutely every eventuality of a situation.
So I think this has been quietly weighing on my decision of when to begin. Well,...they contacted me today to say that they had to suspend the search due to budget cuts. They told me that I am definitely in contention but that it may be a year or two before they re-open. This is GOOD news! [read: financial crisis over (?); baby in hand (knock on wood)].
What this means is, no more dawdling for heaven's sake! Get going with the pregnancy, I say to myself! (And to my cat. He agrees).
I'm looking at Feb. for my first cycle. I am brimming with expectation!
But it's been such a quandry, because the job and move, if I got it (and I think I am a good contender) would cut right into the whole "schedule." It was crazy for me not to apply, because I want to end up in CA, and I work in such a ridiculously specialized field that this is one of TWO jobs in the Bay Area that I would ever take.
Not to mention selling my condo right now would be a niiiightmare.
Plus, I checked, and the institution doesn't give maternity benefits until a year of employment. That would be a major problem if I arrived pregnant. (But they also provide up to 1/2 funding for an adoption--pretty amazing!) I've found that good policies for gay couples usually = good policies for SMCs, as well.
I know, I'm putting the cart way before the horse but if I am anything, it's a planner. It's a compulsion of mine that I consider absolutely every eventuality of a situation.
So I think this has been quietly weighing on my decision of when to begin. Well,...they contacted me today to say that they had to suspend the search due to budget cuts. They told me that I am definitely in contention but that it may be a year or two before they re-open. This is GOOD news! [read: financial crisis over (?); baby in hand (knock on wood)].
What this means is, no more dawdling for heaven's sake! Get going with the pregnancy, I say to myself! (And to my cat. He agrees).
I'm looking at Feb. for my first cycle. I am brimming with expectation!
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